A "Site" For Sore Eyes

THE TOURIST TRAP PODCAST

2010-05-11T19:13:00.003-04:00

I started a podcast, with my brother N law, Justin Carroll. We called it The Tourist Trap, and you can listen to our very first episode now, by visiting our website...

THE TOURIST TRAP

We reviewed "A Nightmare On Elm Street" 2010 remake.

Also visit us on facebook and click "like" to stay in touch with us there...

THE TOURIST TRAP, ON FACEBOOK

Also, i posted 2 brand new songs, from my band, UNTEACHERS

So go check them out, and let me know what you all thought!!!!

Thanks

Marijuana and scripture (Notes from The Tourist Trap Podcast Episode 5)

2010-04-10T15:51:00.010-04:00

DISCLAIMER:
The disclaimer -

Let me first start out by saying that i do not discuss this, to seek out the support from my friends and family to smoke pot, nor am i attempting to make excuses, trying to hinder somebody's firm stand against it, or try to throw a wrench into one's attempt to seek truth in this life. My attempt at this post is simply to THINK ABOUT IT, suggest some ideas,
throw away the fat and bones, and get to the heart of the matter.

Why does it matter? Is this subject really all that important? Couldn't we, especially those in Christianity, just ignore it, and move on?

We could and in some cases maybe we should. BUT, this subject affects many things, and if i may say so, i think it would benefit the Christian to know his or her firm position on the subject, without the ignorance and lack of knowledge. This is one area a lot of Christians fail to truly understand, simply because of a disinterest or desire to, even engage themselves in a conversation about it, much less make any attempt to adjust his or her attitude on the truth of the matter, and that is what i find dissatisfying or scam-like. When the subject comes up, the first thing the Christian friend wants to know is "Well thats all fine and true, but YOUR not going to smoke it now are you"? There always seems to be a sense of ignorance met with legalism, when it is discussed. I want to know what liberties i have, as a Christian, as an American, and more importantly, i want to know
what liberties i don't have, and i want to know why those liberties are off limits, to me. or to anyone. A pastor i listen to, once shared a story where he visited a church where another pastor was preaching about alcohol and how anybody who drinks is sinning. The pastor visiting was quick to point out to the preaching pastor that "There are several accounts in the bible where Jesus not only turned water into wine, but then drank it in moderation" The preaching pastor's response was "Well if Jesus drank, he shouldn't have" ........ seriously? Are we going so far in our legalism that we will not consider what Jesus did, first and foremost? Are we going to try and say to God, "Hey pal, your wrong"?

When the bible speaks, it doesn't forget to cover a certain topic. We are flawed and sinful people, and we will time and time again, misunderstand and misrepresent scripture. We will assume God forgot to address this subject matter. When we shut down this conversation, and take the road of disinterest, when it has such a huge impact on things now, and could have a greater impact on things to come, i strongly believe we are trying to challenge God, and the bible! Take comfort in knowing that scripture does not leave this subject out!

First, let me ask a few questions...

I myself have wondered for a long while now, just what is marijuana? What does it do to you? Why should we consume it, or why should we not consume it? How come it seems so dangerous and bad, yet there are so many health benefits and medical uses? If it can be used medically, much like tylenol, or vicodin, doesn't this mean medicine should be treated the same way marijuana is? What about my moderate consumption of alcohol? What about the abuse of alcohol? So and So says he is a Christian, but he gets drunk on the weekend, and nobody seems to care that he is laughing at everything, or if they care, they kinda let it go. Why is that the case? How long have we been smoking weed as a nation? How long has it been illegal? Is all of my basic and minimal understanding of this stuff, really out of the same ignorance that developed in me, some kind of instant disregard for things i only assume or wrong? I mean, look at the last 100 years of church history,
the new ideas that came, that have shaped the modern view of Christianity, and the vast majority that fell for it... is this the same situation that helped mold our view of marijuana? Is it really the monster gateway drug, that we all think it is? And so on and so forth...

Now, let me say, i am in no way prepared to answer all of those questions. Nor do i want this to be a fact riddled, information crammed, essay on the subject. I want to just think out loud. I want to throw out some of the things that do not add up to me, or that make sense to me. Once more i will remind you, i am not making excuses or defending either side.

When i reference to "all of those people who say this" i am referring, of course to the majority of religious fundamentalists, and basic ignorant people who say these things all of the time. I mean, it IS illegal, right? The legality of marijuana did not happen by mistake. The laws happened for a reason, and because people, Christian or not, felt a certain way about it. I will try and think out loud about some of the more obvious points.

Now for those who feel the need to fight and defend their own right to smoke/consume marijuana, YOU MUST BE FAIR. You cannot expect somebody to understand and agree with you, and adjust their view of the sterotypes, if you are a living breathing example of all of the stereotypes that create in that person, the need to turn against it, and stay far away from it, and fear it. Would you agree? You might say "I am not out to change anybody" but that is dishonest, because anybody who consumes marijuana wants people to recognize the legal issues, and to change them. In order for that to happen, you must embrace this major point.

An example: It would seem like it is a basic understanding that every car salesman is a liar and a weasel, who rips off his costumers. You have to be very careful when dealing with car salesmen, because you never can tell! If you consider yourself honest, but you are a car salesman, and i came to you and told you that i wanted to trust you before i buy your car, but that i need to clear the air on the many different stereotypes that exist about car salesmen, and how they are constantly referenced as dishonest, would that not excite you? Would you find great joy to know that somebody is giving you the chance to be fair, and express your awareness of those things, and try to find a basic common ground with the customer, building that trust, where YOU are NOT the stereotype that exists?

If i am to discuss this subject, a subject that is met with so much apathy by other Christians, trying to better understand what the "big deal" is, and if i am willing to put my own convictions and ignorance on stage for the world to see, wrong or right, i better admit it, and be honest about it. I would hope that you, the person who feels the need to defend his or herself for the sake of your own fight to destroy this war on weed, would be as fair if not more so!

And speaking of Christians, yes the bible does comment on this subject, not just from a moderation point, but from a pharmaceutical angle.

The Old Testament: Exodus 30:22-25
The Lord said to Moses, “Take the finest spices: of liquid myrrh 500 shekels, and of sweet-smelling cinnamon half as much, that is, 250, and 250 of aromatic cane, and 500 of cassia, according to the shekel of the sanctuary, and a hin of olive oil. And you shall make of these a sacred anointing oil blended as by the perfumer; it shall be a holy anointing oil."

In Verse 23 the Hebrew word for what is described as "aromatic cane" is Kaneh-Bosem. This is where we get the word "cannabis". There is a lot of debate over exactly which plant it is, but many people believe that it is cannabis as we know it.

In the New Testament: Galatians 5:19-21
Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."

In verse 20, We see the word sorcery. In Greek, this has a slightly different meaning from what we would commonly view it in modern language. The word sorcery in Greek is pharmakeia. This is where we get the word "Pharmacy". Its literal definition is the use of medicine, drugs, spells, etc. The context indicates God is addressing the abusive behavior, not using medicine for health benefits.

You could even argue that in Genesis 1:29 when God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food", that perhaps God blessed us with something, and it is up to us to determine, biblically, what uses are good and what uses would be sinful.

But you know? I am hesitant to pursue, heavily, just these biblical tidbits, because there is a much bigger biblical point that i strongly believe sums up this whole mess. There are 2 reasons i am hesitant to rest on these examples, alone, as the bible's justification/case against marijuana...

The 1st reason is that i am suspicious that a man or woman, looking to fight against what may be a genuine spiritual conviction/command, will abuse those verses, to defend themselves. It is not that simple!

My 2nd reason is i am also very suspicious that Christians will no doubt, throw those reasons out and remind me that just because the bible says it, doesn't mean everyone or anyone should do it. Its just not that simple...... I would agree!

But i think either of those "case closed" remarks would be lazy of us. At the end of the day, this verse will only work with a clear understanding of Gods constant desire for us to be in control and to not get drunk, etc. The big problem is not WHAT, but HOW MUCH, and WHY!? we have not been given the chance, at least my
generation, to define the line of control. God blesses us with many things that can easily destroy us. But he commands us to have self control. God plants that command so that we can enjoy the things of the earth in moderation. We create the abuse. We create the sin. We create the chaos, and therefor we create the laws that are put against us.

In some areas of life, you simply cannot be an ALL or NOTHING person. What is ok for some, biblically, is wrong for others. Everybody has their own weaknesses and strengths. What is harmful to some, may not be harmful to others. Some things are wrong for everybody, but yet we do them anyway. In pursuit of truth, you have to sometimes draw a line in the sand, and say "I can go about half way, but then i stop" My fear is, people approach this subject as an all or nothing. More on that later...

So, what is the big deal, eh?

1. People say that marijuana is dangerous, cannot be used in moderation, and that it is a gateway drug or an addictive substance.

- I believe, based NOT just on my own experiences (i dont currently smoke it, but i have a handful of times in the past) but in the experiences i have had with my pot smoking social circles. Most times when my friends are smoking weed, i would never know, because they are sharp as a tack, quick on their feet in conversation, relaxed and attentive. Not everyone, mind you, just everyone i encounter. Most of my pot smoking friends know of the word apathy, and do not mix that into their consumption of weed. What this means is, they hold their friends accountable, who would move from weed, to something far more dangerous, say crack, or heroin. Some people i know, who have smoked weed, know people who put far worse things in their bodies. When i ask my friends, "Is it not a gateway drug"? They answer, "No, because i have no desire to abuse drugs, and i do smoke weed on occasion. I smoke it once and a while. In moderation. I have
control. I don't need drugs. My friends who abuse heroin or crack, etc, they have a bigger issue they are fighting"

And these are non Christian friends!

From what i can tell, every time marijuana has been studied, there has been no addictive properties found in it. There are many
kids in addiction clinics for marijuana, but the DEA fails to tell us is that when these kids are charged with marijuana use, they are given a choice, they are either given a harsh penalty, or they are given the option of going to a treatment center, where they are considered addicts. The percentage of people in there voluntary is around 3%. The other 97% of people are there to avoid penalty. It is not that hard to believe when looking at how our system works in other legal matters. Researchers were asked time and time again to rate the drugs in order of addiction. Nicotine is #1. Alcohol is #2. The harder drugs such as morphine or heroine (etc) exist somewhere in the middle, and then at the bottom of the list, after coffee, is where marijuana is placed.

Now I am not suggesting that addiction is not a reality. Addiction is very real, in cases such as consuming other drugs, or coffee or tobacco, but in research where regular users of marijuana have been deprived of it, there was no signs of addictive withdraw. Its habituating, yes, but its use can be discontinued.
If you use marijuana on a daily basis for a year or so, and you stop, you will notice a difference for sure, remember that you are using it every single day. You can say that about using coffee every single day. Comparing the marijuana study to the addictive substances like heroin, or tobacco, there is no
comparison. If marijuana has no addictive properties, than how can it be a gateway drug? Surely the person who has a problem with any addiction, no matter what the substance is, could say the condition is not with marijuana, but the person's motives. Their hearts desire. If one is addicted to marijuana, it is not the marijuana's fault, its the person smoking it. I have seen cases where marijuana was used in moderation, so i can safely say it is possible, maybe not for everyone, but certainly for some.

Do you smoke weed? If so, do you hold your friends in accountability? You
should.
This point i had to agree with. As a Christian, i would hold somebody accountable if i saw them doing something harmful to themselves. But i do not really believe this is only a Christian thing to do. Again, if one accepts the need to disconnect from the stereotypes that come with marijuana, one has to see the responsibility.

Is apathy really the problem? The analogy, one commercial would like to portray, of a female who is flattened, and lying on the couch like a folded towel, while her friend says "Every since she started smoking pot, this is how she is" Is that really true?

Is it possible to not fall into the void of shrugging your shoulders, and becoming, as the stereotype in the "stoner movies" would suggest, you just become apathetic, care free, and a drag?

I will not say yes or no. I will say i have seen friends of mine act this way. I have seen other friends of mine who do not smoke weed, also act that way. More important to this discussion, i have seen friends who smoke weed, NOT act that way.

* My first point then, is that we must not allow substance to change us. If we cannot smoke weed, and be ourselves, and be the same person that we were while we were not, than it should not be smoked. Right? Is it not most important, that you are you, and that you do not become indifferent, or apathetic, simply by consuming marijuana? In the fight for your right, i would hope so.

Remember when i said i feared people would be all or nothing thinking people? This applies here. The "All" sayers say "Look, i smoke weed. I cannot tell my friend who smokes crack that he should
stop, because i smoke weed. He won't respect me" and for this, i would say silence is going to really hurt your friend. You can't put ALL into this subject because then you become silent when you need to speak up, OR, as the bible would teach. We should not set a bad example. In this situation, smoking weed should NOT happen around your friends who actually have addiction issues, otherwise known as the gateway stereotype problem. Set the example. If you are being social with a friend who struggles with staying in control of themselves, than it is best you just stay clean around them. This doesn't make you a "nothing" sayer, but a person who shows control of themselves, and concern for others.

The problem with "Nothing" sayers is they say No, before they even know what they say no to. Ignorance becomes the fuel for the fire. This doesn't mean that when you come to your conclusion and you decide you will choose nothing, that you are an "all or nothing" person, but that you took the time to find out for yourself, what it means, and if it is for you, and you decided against it. You gave the situation the benefit of the doubt, and you decided it wasn't right for you. No matter what though, accountability needs to exist, and control. This i would say is an absolute.

2. People say that it is a dangerous gateway drug, but what about alcohol? Medicine?

There are drugs that are legal, and there are people who use them. Sometimes these people are quick to point out how terrible marijuana use is, not seeing the hypocrisy in their own lives, due to an over dependent use of pain medication, anti-depressants, Etc. Etc.

We have medical conditions, where doctors prescribe marijuana to patients with chronic pain. It is very easy to obtain marijuana this way. It is not advertised, of course, but it is true none the less, in many states. In some places in our country, you can obtain marijuana, by using marijuana dispenser machines, much like a machine that drops out a bag of chips. They are guarded by well paid officers, so nobody raids the machines, but with that doctors pass you can simply obtain it that way. There is no argument if one does his research...marijuana has been proven to help many, many people with many, many problems like chronic pain, depression, disorders, the shakes, the list can go on and on.

Would you lie to a doctor about your chronic pain or lack there of, to get marijuana? Should we justify that?

Alcohol. This one intrigues me, because i myself, find so many hypocrisies involved with this. I am a consumer of alcohol. I don't get wasted. I do feel that i drink in moderation. I have had my fair share of overuse, like many but i do not justify it! Do you notice though, that everyone has their own definition of what "their moderation" is? Christians do this a lot. Christians know that the bible says we should not be drunk, but we determine in our own hearts, what that limit is, and i think this is how God intended it, too! In some ways, i do believe that biblically, we should look at this as a sort of "honor system", God commands us to stay in control, but how do we come to know what that control is? Well, you have 2 choices, really. Don't touch alcohol, ever... or drink, until you can gage what is right. If you take the first option, you should never be legalistic about it, because that is not how God intended. I am willing to bet that many of the anti-weed people, have a vice in their life, where they are abusing a privilege. Not everyone. Im trying to be careful with my wording. I do think that i, myself have been a hypocrite in this area in the past. Does this mean that we loose our God given liberty? Well, maybe, individually, if that is what it takes to stay in control! See, instead of me saying "weed is wrong, but then i guess, so is drinking" i would refer to the idea that "all or nothing" doesn't apply. Moderation does. I would adjust the necessary issues in my own life, where i am not being in control, to set the example for everyone else. Does this mean, its ok for us to smoke weed now? No. This just means that in your life, you should attempt to be blameless.

The problem i have though, is that marijuana is illegal, but other legal drugs are far more dangerous.

If you look at the number of deaths, annually, the number 1 killer, beating out aids, heroine, crack, cocaine, alcohol, car accidents and murder, combined is tobacco, and it should be pointed out that there are an average of 430,000 deaths a year, and yet the government gives subsidies to the tobacco companies who grown their tobacco with radioactive fertilizer.

After tobacco? with well over 85,000 deaths a year, the number #2 killer is alcohol.

Now one popular drug that has swept a nation is coffee. Believe it or not, this is also an addictive drug. Caffeine is overlooked as a common household ingredient, but the truth is, looking at the statistics, even caffeine comes in anywhere between 1 to 10,000 deaths a year. Strangely enough, caffeine comes dangerously close to our over the counter medications, like tylenol, aspirin, etc,with over 7 and a half thousand deaths annually.

Yet, we cannot find 1 single death in the past 10,000 years where a death was attributed to marijuana.

Staggering, i know.

Without moderation, these things do a number on your body,and can put you in a state of mind that is not healthy, loosing judgement and making horrible, and sometimes life ending decisions, yet these things are legal, and thankfully, for sake of our right to consume, and in some cases, like alcohol, the laws are changing and making it easier to consume. The problem is NOT the legality of it, but the people who abuse the right. Guns do not kill people, people kill people. That is true with substance abuse. Why then, have we outlawed a substance that is natural, and is proven to be less dangerous than the things we use legally? Not to mention the agricultural advantages, and economical advantages one financially burdened nation could benefit from? And while on the subject of pain medication, I know people who are addicted to pain medicine. Yet they have no problem getting that from their doctor. Much like medical marijuana, all you need is an excuse and a doctor most times will grant you a prescription or even free medicine samples. If had a tooth removed, or a back injury, or to give a less easy argument, say i just had a really bad headache, and i took a vicodin, i will have very little problems obtaining a drug, that i could just as easily abuse. Knowing myself, i could and sometimes do feel a need to take something like this. I take them and I feel better. Yet, while walking down a city street, i have been offered vicodin as a drug deal, alongside marijuana, and other illegal drugs.I do not believe marijuana is a gateway drug, but for the sake of argument, what about all of this legal stuff, that is far more unhealthy for us?

* My only conclusion is, like i already said, be the example. Be in control. Do not let this become, as Christians would believe, a "worship issue". See, that is why the bible doesn't say "And Jesus said "Do not drink beer, do not smoke pot, do not consume narcotics" because it has already been addressed when the bible teaches "Where your treasure is, there, your heart will also be (Luke 12:34) The bible talks about controlling our bodies and enjoying things in moderation, because it IS a liberty for us, Christian or not, and these same rules should apply to both sides of the spiritual coin. Worship is a continuous action, and if Jesus is not the center of your life, what is? Is it tv? Is it making money? Is it drinking or smoking weed? Is this the center of YOUR LIFE? Or even less obvious, maybe your need to be right, is the center of your life? Perhaps your need to hold onto your way of thinking, when somebody with wisdom might point out some truth to you, you put your foot down against it, just because in your fear, you have a need to be in a comfort zone. Control is the center of your life. What are you worshipping??? Is it possible to drink alcohol, or take prescription medicine, or (take a breath) smoke marijuana, without it being the center of your life? Or even the center of your evening? Does it take over you? Be careful when saying to somebody, "I really NEED to consume substance" And like i already said, we didn't write the bible, but if we care enough about what scripture says, to stake our life on it, and live to our dying day, we should be ready to adjust our attitudes too, when becoming legalistic.

this leads me to my next point.

3. Yeah, that sounds fine to a degree, but i can drink a beer. I cannot take one hit of marijuana and be in any control. I cannot smoke weed and NOT be totally high. And even if i could, i would only smoke weed TO GET HIGH! Its a different substance, completely. It doesn't act the same. You just cannot control your mind, even with 1 hit.

- This point is a case by case basis. I mentioned before that God gave us the things of the earth to enjoy in moderation. We have to gage what is good or bad for us, but if that is not enough assurance, than just say no, right? In all of my interviews, and research i have found that it just depends on the kind of cannabis you smoke, or as one person put it "It depends completely on the type. A sativa will not lower my energy level while an indica puts me on the couch with a bowl of tortilla chips covered in whichever condiment catches my eye in the fridge"

There are all sorts of reactions. Paranoia. Euphoria Mellowed out. Half baked. More focused. Completely unfocused. The list goes on and on.

I find it is really impossible to simply say "Ok then, if i cannot find a human race all acting the same exact way, than it must all be wrong" I just depends on YOU! See at the end of the day, the question is not can we twist the rules God put forth for us to live by, much less if you even have any convictions at all
about it. For the Christian, it is not a question. God gave us things to discover and enjoy. Natural things. We have to define the great line.

What troubles me is when somebody decides what is wrong or right for his or herself, but also announces to the whole world "I refuse to see it any other way. It is impossible for me to stay in control, and since i know how hard that is for me to do, it must be at least that hard, or harder for you to do, therefore i refuse to look at any other view of this than my
own"

You might argue and say "Oh come on, who says that"? Well maybe it is not as clearly stated, but without question, this is the stubborn view many have taken, in my experiences.

One person i spoke with said that he had a seizure when
smoking pot. I thought "Gee, that is odd". Another person commented that they have heard of somebody else who had a seizure once from smoking pot, but he was quick to point out that another friend of his struggled with seizures, and smoked pot to stop them. The plot thickens. Many still have said that taking a "hit" in moderation has allowed them to stay more focused on driving, reading, working, sleeping, Etc. In my research even fewer have said "There is no way you can smoke it and drive a car" but those people also admitted to smoking a ton of pot, going as far as to say "I cannot see any purpose in smoking marijuana except for getting completely baked"

But, again, what troubles me is that i do not feel any desire to smoke marijuana to get completely baked. What interests me is the health benefits, and perhaps being relaxed. What amazes me is everyones gunshot reaction to what i have just stated, "You should never consume anything for any reason other than taste" Really? Does everyone who drinks a beer feel that way? Is it a sin to enjoy the relaxing benefits that come with a cold beer, or a cigar? After all, we do not take vicodin because of the taste. We take it because it is a legal prescription that allows us to feel better. The hypocrisy here is so thick, you could cut it with a knife!

So it just depends on the persons usage. Again with that control point i keep making. Its starting to seem clearer. I do not say all of this to talk my way into reasoning. What i am saying is the only thing that makes the most sense, even with the bible firmly in hand.

Marijuana use is either a big misunderstanding, or every ounce of research is a lie. But if marijuana was so dangerous, again, why have we not seen any proof? Trust me when i say that any chance to prove the dangers of marijuana would be taken up, if the chance were there! You would see the proof everywhere you go. We could finally shut those stoners up!

* I mentioned before about the importance of being honest, if one wants to protect the rights they have, and not only honest but responsible. I think if people wanted to smoke weed, and they wanted the stereotypes to die off, the only way for that to happen, is to be honest about the affects of marijuana. If marijuana CAN be used in moderation. If marijuana users, used it ONLY in moderation, i think the stigma would cease. If it is impossible to control yourself with marijuana, than there are good reasons for the stereotypes. Nobody wants to change, by drinking or smoking. Nobody wants to be somebody else, or act a certain way, by drinking or smoking. Nobody wants to hurt themselves, or others by drinking and smoking. But those things can happen while we drink, and while we smoke. Why? Is it possible, Christian or not, to be responsible? To me, this whole thing comes full circle when we focus our attentions on the lack of control, and sometimes being
addicted to substance. If a Christian is smoking every single day, i would say they are wrong, by biblical standards. Non Christians will say "Good for the Christian, but i don't care, i smoke every day and i will never change" but i think the matters of the heart are as plain as day, if one looked at those words carefully. The need creates a negative worship issue. But i would say the same thing to a person who watched tv too much, or drank too much beer. If you cannot control yourself, you should not do it!

AND, yes...its not healthy to smoke anything. Drugs and alcohol are never, EVER, "healthy" even when they are prescribed to you. They are temporary fixes, to a larger problem. When someone relies on any of these drugs, to live simple and pain free, it concerns me. Its complicated. We cannot say "Just stop" because some people are far more pained than you or I. But what about the emotional pain? Should we justify covering up these things? Should these things act as a way to cope with life's big blows? If we take a good hard look at ourselves, are we hypocrites? I believe we should never mix pain with substance use. For the Christian, our pain relief is found in the Lord.

4. Marijuana Is Illegal. Shouldn't that be enough, for us to avoid the issue all together?

It is so easy to say "Its a sin, because it is illegal" but that is so lazy to me. That is too simple and quickly summed up.

FOR MORE INFO ON MARIJUANA LAWS, LEGAL HISTORY, visit the film "The Union: The Business Of Getting High"

Laws are extremely important, and while i think many laws are a pointless waste, we should obey them, at the very least, for our own good. For the Christian, the bible commands us to obey the law continually, until it has become the enemy of God.

I Peter 2: 13-16
Be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God.

Questioning laws is a healthy thing. Breaking them is not. Should this law be banished? I think so. I for one do not like being told what to do, certainly with no logic or reasoning. I recognize the importance of obeying the law, but this does not mean that i like the laws, or understand their good purpose. I strongly believe there is little good, in outlawing marijuana. Not when we examine the agricultural and economical losses, which are vast, but also because the government should be controlled by the people, for the people, not controlled by the people, with little
interest in the truth. Simply put: It is none of the government's business, if i was a consumer of marijuana. When you look at how the law came to be, and why it is still locked down today, one cannot help but be troubled by this, unless of course, we are operating out of fear, and have become confident in these laws. Be honest with yourself. Do you want to live in a world where the government controls you? These laws should be a protection against a dangerous force. But what are they really protecting us from? What danger does marijuana pose? And more importantly, how successful has the law been, in stopping marijuana use? If you ask me, it has made many people's lives harder. Many face criminal charges for something as pathetic as smoking pot. Lives have been ruined, not by consuming cannabis and dealing with the affects, but because of the charges, when being caught. You
might say "Well yes, like any law, if you break it on purpose, do not be surprised when the law slams the hammer down" But look at the big picture. Is this justice? Do these people deserve those types of charges? When i take a hard honest look at the big picture, i cannot rest with a shrug of the shoulders, and an apathetic stance. To bold face ignore these things, is dishonest.

Yet when i think about how simply put the idea of obeying the law, really is, i find a bigger hypocrisy than ever, because this is the biggest area where i feel i am safe to say we all stumble. Who does not go
over the speed limit, while driving? That example alone puts many of us in a bad light. Just like i have stated before, you cannot say it is wrong to smoke pot, and then contradict your argument, by drinking too much, you cannot say it is wrong to smoke pot because it is against the law, and yet still break many laws, yourself.

* I do think that marijuana should be legal, but nevertheless i believe we should obey the law. In this subject, i find the biggest flaw in my own life. See, while i recognize the importance of obeying the law, i break laws, just like anyone will, but in my own life, i find
very little concern with adjusting my actions to prevent breaking more. Speeding is one law i find far too difficult not to do. Say what you want, but that is the honest truth. Am i wrong? I painfully admit that i am. Will i stop? I really should. But will I? Will anyone? Is it prideful to say "Well if its illegal to smoke pot, than it is illegal to speed, i am going to stop breaking any laws"? OR, is it commendable? Is it realistic? I guess that depends on YOU!

5. I am a Christian, and I believe that marijuana opens the door to demons, and/or the occult. Marijuana is a gateway drug to the gateway to Hell!!!

I find it incredibly tempting to not even address this point, because anybody with a firm grip on their faith in Jesus, would realize how incredibly PRO-DEMON that statement really is. I would ask the question, "Do you really believe demons have any power over Christians"?

First thing is, i do not even believe that any recreational drug can affect you that way, but i do believe that if you are looking for something spiritual, you will certainly find something. I will again use the "guns don't kill people" reference in saying that, you cannot blame the drugs for a search for demons and the occult, you can only blame the person's intent. If a person smokes pot with the intent to have a spiritual experience, than they have opened that spiritual door, regardless of what drugs they are on. You can take drugs with you on that journey, but you cannot blame the drugs for taking the journey. Now, certainly there are drugs that do much more dangerous things to our bodies, and our minds. Our minds are an incredible blessing from the Lord, and i believe that we underestimate how much of a blessing they really are. I do not want to say, with 100% confidence that drugs cannot put you in a state, where your mind experiences things that are not seen otherwise, or however you want to paint the picture, but we are talking about marijuana here, and in my research, there has never been a story of somebody getting high, and experiencing anything but a normal high, and let me remind you all that i have already pointed out the importance of using marijuana in moderation. I believe people give demons way too much power and credibility. This thinking is nothing more than old fashioned fundamentalism, and if you believe something like that, and you consider yourself something other than fundamentalist, than ask yourself how much of your thought and time do you give, obsessing over demons, and spiritual darkness? I find, often times, the only ones saying anything about "opening the doors to the Devil" are those in the charismatic churches. I believe in demons, and their works. I just don't believe this subject has anything to do with it. I don't dare claim to be absolutely 100% right in all matters of charismatic Christianity, but i do believe whole heartedly, that we exist purely as sinful, and any fascination with demons, and black magic is a direct result of disobedience to the Holy spirit, and the scriptures. It is an assault on God the father, and his work on the cross. It is lazy and spiritually immature to suggest that marijuana takes you to a demonic place. But, i strongly believe you can take marijuana with you, wherever you go, even to the darkest places of the sinful heart!

At the end of my search, it all comes down to moderation, and legalization. Is it worth you finding it out? Maybe. Maybe not.
but remember, in all of this, sin is never justified.

Feel free to email me at stephenmarksarro@yahoo.com with any questions, comments, criticisms, Etc..etc...

and be sure and visit the episode of The Tourist Trap Podcast, Episode 5, where Justin and I talked about the above topic.

Tantrum Of The Muse - The Heart Is A Two Headed Sperm (10 Year Anniversary Remaster) NOW AVAILABLE!!!

2010-02-16T14:17:00.002-05:00

Visit our nifty little webstore: THE WAR ON RECORDS

BUY IT NOW, AND SUPPORT THE FUTURE RELEASES!!!

AVAILABLE IN BOTH, HIGH QUALITY MP3, AND FLAC. FORMATS

And please, friends, we want to hear from you, let us know your thoughts on the albums re-release.

"The Heart" remaster, final details, and more on THE WAR ON RECORDS!!!

2010-02-11T15:00:00.002-05:00

hey gang, some changes were made, late last minute, as usual for the TOTM camp, on the remastered re-release of The Heart Is A Two Headed Sperm. I found demos, previously unreleased, that were a perfect addition to this version of the album. In 2003, Tantrum Of The Muse reformed, with an added member, our good pal (my soon to be brother-n-law) Seth Luzier, who joined the band as a keyboardist. We did a few shows back then, and we had this idea to re-record "The Heart" songs for a brand new demo, showcasing the new versions of the band, and the new arrangements for the songs. We even thought we might send this demo out to major labels. I was planning to hop a plane, once the demo was completed, and showing up on the doorsteps of an unmentionable label, showing just how serious i was about securing TOTM in the hands of the rich! Well, haha, that demo would never see the light of day, i would never take that plane ride, and TOTM wouldn't live to see the rest of 2004! It was a dark time, there is no doubt about that. If you were to ask me to release the demos that survived that session, then...i would swiftly kick you in the butt!

But its a new day and age in my life, where my hopes and dreams of becoming a successful full time rock and roller are long gone, there is a new sense of urgency in my song writing. It is not what you might expect, not so much a concern to fulfill the mainstream view of "success" but rather, plain and simple - write strong songs, that might affect someone in a positive way, and reassure this aging bastard that there is still so much in me, still needing to be done.

I say all of this, to explain how my life's changes have affected my view of my old band's reputation, and tiny body of work. Given that i have all the confidence in the world to make new music, and play with new people, TOTM is not so - desperate, to me anymore. Sure, i am proud of the songs. I am even able to look back at these albums and see the urgency in them, for the music culture of that time. There is no question, these records did the job, they remain as small gears that helped the 1990's underground alternative machine stay spinning!!! Back then, an artist might have their own identity, and might write music that makes you think and feel (gasp) i know, so hard to believe in just a short few years, where things have left us.

So these demos...they are not that important to me. What is important, is preserving a moment in my life, so that i may look back and say "There it was, kiddies" and so holding any material from the TOTM era is foolish to me. I want my friends to hear it all, and have it all. Enough said, i think you guys will enjoy them.

So, the demos are from 2003. I was recruiting new members for TOTM. I spent a lot of time figuring out what i should do, and who i should find. I met and befriended this awesome bassist, Tyler Lambert. He agreed to play, but TOTM was not his first priority. Seth was already in the band as my keyboardist, who now ran samples and weird sounds. At this time, Rick was fresh off of his stint with The Huntingtons, and missing playing with me (shucks). I was relieved because finding a good drummer, proved impossible at the time. So now it was Rick, Tyler, Seth and myself. We were splitting up practice spots between southern MD, and Lancaster area PA. The drives were expensive. Seth actually moved from MD to PA. It was at this time that Jim had called and explained he was living in Florida, on a boat with his fiance, Deann. They had been evicted due to storms. I kid you not. He needed a place to live. I asked him if he wanted to drive to PA to join the band again, and split rent with Seth. He agreed. I explained to Tyler that we needed reform, in one area. Tyler was given the option of joining for real (before i offered to Jim, of course) and he couldn't commit, so...whalla...The original 3, +1, planted firmly in Lancaster. We recorded the demos in a barn we were renting, out in Lancaster. Jim recorded all of it, on his dying computer. The quality is fair. Its listener friendly. We felt that it was important to re-record these old songs again, to showcase how they were meant to be recorded. We NEVER played The heart" songs like the album. Not once. They always took on a different energy, once Jim joined and played the bass parts, with his fingers (and foot)! We sped them up quite a bit too, and Rick really filled out the drumming. I also found a lot of improvement room. Even though i love the first album, it is clear the songs were not existing long enough to really "find them"! Now that TOTM had been playing for a few years, and had gotten extremely tight, and extremely good at playing together, the songs sounded totally different. So, we recorded them, the way we were performing them. It is, for that reason that i release them now. To showcase the band's playing style, and the song structures, and how they changed from 1998, to 2003. If you were lucky enough to see the band live in 2003-2004 on a good night, you got the same volume and energy as any TOTM show, with added element of keyboards. It was short lived. Only a few months, to be sure. Not too many of the TOTM fans got to experience that part of the band, so...that is why i decided to find this demo, and put it on the new release.

FINAL TRACKLISTING:

1. Do Not Hurt Luddle
2. The Devils House Of Techno
3. Hell Is At The Bottom Of The Rainbow
4. Fatigued
5. For The Birds
6. Headcheese Recipe (Destroy The Herps)
7. Swing, Daddy...Swing!
8. My Depression Outfit
9. Gas Parade (March Of The Dead)
10. You Smell Better When You Are Dead
11. Jesus Standing Behind The Entertainment
12. Here Comes A Winner (Bonus Track)
13. Downtrodden (Bonus Track)
14. The Devils House Of Techno (Live At Tom Fest 2000)
15. For The Birds (Live At Tom Fest 2000)
16. Fatigued (Live At Tom Fest 2000)
17. Gas Parade (March Of The Dead) (2003 Demo)
18. Fatigued (2003 Demo)
19. Hell Is At The Bottom Of The Rainbow (2003 Demo)
20. For The Birds (2003 Demo)

This album, and many others, can be purchased as a digital download (only, until we can afford LP offer) by visiting the new record label, started Seth, and partially run by yours truly. The goal here is to release every and all releases that we are involved with, as well as re-release any TOTM related, or other past projects. My solo album, Sympathy For The Living has been overhauled and will be available as well. We are releasing everything as download, with optional format (mp3, wav, etc) and some of our main releases will be given full 12" LP treatment, mostly with Unteachers, King Cloud, Opals, and Elesnaphant, etc.
I am hoping, if there is enough $ and demand, to remix, remaster and vinyl-ize TOTM- Modernmu$ick(2000)! but that is ONLY if the demand is worth it. If you or anyone you know demand a vinyl release of that album, please let me know by email, or send us some donations, or pre-order money, and we will make it happen. Its a new label, and we hope that releasing downloads, and 7" splits, will help fund future LPs. For now, check out the site, and let us know what you think. The site is not finished, we are getting all of the finishing touches wrapped up in a week or so.

HERE IS THE LINK:
http://www.THEWARONRECORDS.com

Finally, UNTEACHERS UPDATE:

I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that Rick is no longer the drummer for the missing band, Unteachers. The good news is my cousin, Travis Turner, former Crutch/Aletheian drummer, is the new drummer. We have been quietly working on finishing the 7" that Rick and I attempted to make. The 7" quality had some issues, and we decided we wanted to re-record the drums. We will be doing that in March. We are also planning to begin work on the full length album. We are still looking for a Christian bass player to fill in the gap. As far as Rick, he just had little time to commit, and a lot of new things are happening (good things) in his life. I am basically at a point where it is important that i do not let anyone, for any reason, hold me back in finishing my art. The art i am inspired to make and given an opportunity to make, is one that takes a lot of work and determination as well as sacrifice and support, to finish. I am a firm believer that nobody should stop your creativity. If you are given a gift, you may be the only person who sees or hears it. But, that doesn't make it any less vital to use it! In my life, it has been devastating, waiting, and being a perfectionist. The most important thing i can do, as an artist, is actually DO SOMETHING. So, i have been very stubborn with bending those rules. I am not stopping. This recording has to get finished this year. With, or without a band, i will carry out the song writing and recording. Fortunately, i was blessed with Travis's willingness, and passion, and TIME. It has been a really great opportunity for me to spend more time with a member of my family i always miss and hardly fellowship with. Of course Rick is a dear friend, and somebody i think i will always be creative with. We have plans on collaborating on recordings in the future, but for this project, it is vital that i keep moving at my own pace. I love Rick, and Travis both very much, and it has been an HONOR to have both of their talents on past projects, as well as future projects. Travis, as some of you might know, played drums on the TOTM "classic" Screw The Chri$tian Music Industry. We hope to post the 2 new singles for the 7" very VERY soon. Hang in there, this is the pain of independent art! Time, money, sacrifice, and patience!!!

Tantrum Of The Muse - The Heart Is A Two Headed Sperm (10 Year Anniversary Remaster) Some notes, track listing, etc.

2010-01-10T18:42:00.008-05:00

So, we decided we needed to pull our acclaimed teen angst opus - "The Heart Is A Two Headed Sperm" out of obscurity and back into the limelight, by way of making it available, "officially" as a download, complete with that annoying "missing track" that everyone seems to like so much, and some additional live tracks, once found on the live ep, all re-edited, sound clips taken from digital transfers, a few snips at a few loose ends that somehow made it into the first 2 pressings of the album, a few tweeks, a few tricks, and there you have it!

I was initially a bit bummed out, that the album was being downloaded online, with tracks missing, sounding the way it did, and looking the way it did, all these years, and i really wished i could remix the bastard, and make it much more mature sounding and fuller. There are so many things wrong with the final takes of the performances, and the production is clearly independent budget, $700 to be exact (and this was in 1998) and Rick and myself, we could barely even play our instruments. We had so many ideas pouring out of us, but so little talent to really pull it off, and even though that is really true, somehow i still find myself siding with this album, over the 2nd album we did with the band. I just think this one is so much more of what TOTM was about. I dunno, the 2nd record was certainly an improvement in so many ways, but that record was chock full of inside jokes and shout outs to things, not many people realized, not to mention...it was so damn miserable!!!! There was a little bit of light at the end of the musical tunnel, with this first record. Rick and I had not been completely embittered with everything and everyone......yet! :)

So now, we have a poorly crafted, but inspired artistic statement, existing only in cd format. No 2" tape, just a digital recording, burned to a cd-r, which i still have (You think your copy sounds bad? You should hear the original) Mixing is out of the question. I had 3 different mastering persons, each take a stab at it, and i got the same results, for the most part, and the same explanation "This is the best it is ever going to be" then i took those versions, and compared them all, painstakingly, in many stereos, and sharing the files with people who know so much more about it, than i, and they painstakingly compared it all, until we finally found the most well balanced versions. Then, i took those remastered files, and i redid samples, and edited the songs book ends, making the starts of songs cleaner, and the ends of songs cleaner, giving the overall listening experience a much tighter, cleaner sound. Gone is a lot of the air that was heard. Gone, is the bad quality samples. We managed, without mixing tracks, to bring some of the performances out a little more. I can truly say, this is the best it is going to sound, without spending a ton of money that we do not even have.

The album was originally recorded in the summer of 1998. We were waiting for Sofa Records to finish what they started, in releasing it, but they decided to pass. We then got signed to the infamous Takehold Records, in 1999, who mastered the album and gave it an official release. So, if you want to get technical, 1998 was the birth of the album, and so 2008 is the real 10th year anniversary, but because we felt the real release came in 1999, i decided to release it in 2009. Its a few weeks too late to do that, but all of the work we put into it was done in 2009, so i feel confident, though shamed, to release it now, in the early 2010, as a 10 year celebration!!!

The purpose of all of this? For starters, just to keep the TOTM legacy alive. Because the album changed our lives personally, and i know it changed people's lives, because i continually get emails, or responses from people sharing their thoughts and feelings on the album, and how it pushed them to re-think how heavy music is presented, or how to be true to yourself as an artist, as a Christian, and having that conviction. Also, because there are so many more people who have not been given the opportunity to hear the album, and could very much benefit from it, is a great reason to dust it off! A more practical reason? All of the proceeds of the album, are going to fund the new album, which is in the pre-production/rehearsal stages as i type this. I have a lot of obstacles to overcome, in order to be a 100% independent artist. For some crazy reason, inspiration keeps me here. It keeps me wanting to write and record and perform, and even though i haven't given myself, or the world, a proper album in 10 years, i am about due to finally release something!! With your support, in purchasing the download of the TOTM albums, or by buying the Unteachers stickers, and buttons, and future merchandise, I will be literally, pouring the money right back into your hands, in the way of releasing all that i can, when it is available for me to give!

Check out the 2 versions of the newly revised The Heart... artwork! Created by the very talented, Seth Luzier (TOTM keyboardist in 2002-2004).

1. Do Not Hurt Luddle
2. The Devil's House Of Techno
3. Hell Is At The Bottom Of The Rainbow
4. Fatigued
5. For The Birds
6. Headcheese Recipe (Destroy The Herps)
7. Swing, Daddy...Swing!
8. My Depression Outfit
9. Gas Parade (March Of The Dead)
10. You Smell Better When You Are Dead
11. Jesus Standing Behind The Entertainment
12. Here Comes A Winner (Bonus Track)
13. Downtrodden! (Bonus Track)
14. The Devil's House Of Techno - Live At Tom Fest 2000 (Bonus Track)
15. For The Birds - Live At Tom Fest 2000 (Bonus Track)
16. Fatigued - Live At Tom Fest 2000 (Bonus Track)

The concept for this record's art, was to age the cover. To wink at the 10 year angle. To suggest this record has been through a long 10 years. I think the concept works perfect, and it gets away from the dreadful Mr. Bungle rip off looking cover we somehow decided on, in 1999. Thank God that is behind us!!!

Stay tuned, for the announcement of where the album can be bought, etc. Thanks for your support

- S

2000-2009, in a few words...

2009-12-28T22:29:00.014-05:00

THE END IS NEAR!!!

but seriously, its not just another year passing, it is the end of an era, and in the 3 decades that i have lived, this past one was a very particular decade, a bittersweet one, one that brought me the worst pain and the most precious joy. Like many of you, it will be impossible to describe the last 10 years of your life in a blog. I decided to be a dork, and post highlights from the 3 big M's, moments, movies, and music!!! I will no doubt, forget a lot of important stuff, let that be understood, but i will try my best at squeezing some memory out of my aging brain!!!

Me, in 2000, on tour with Tantrum Of The Muse

First, i will reflect. Remember when it was 1999, and the whole world was in panic, over Y2K?!?!?! Idiots!!! My dad actually cracked me up, when the clock struck 12:00AM he turned the power off in the whole house, hahahah, but im not sure if anyone fell for it. Haha, I love it!!!!

In a single decade i became a modestly successful musician, living the dream, making albums, touring the USA. I also lost all of that, in a short 2 or 3 years. I released 2 albums (3 total, but 2 this decade) i failed at playing music, even modestly locally, I buried a few people who's lives were stolen very violently, i hit rock bottom spiritually, i lived in 6 different places, September 11, 2001 was engraved into world history forever, and following it was war, and George Dubya Bush, Politics, bad economy, and sky high gas $$$, oh and the end of the world is near, due to global warming..the king of pop died, but so did the oxy clean guy...i got stuck in a job rut, and lost some friends...etc...etc...etc

Me, somewhere in mid decade

but on the other hand...

I met and married my best friend, Sara. I watched many others, including my sister Desiree, get married. I returned to church life, and my life got turned around spiritually, i got my cat, Kinky, Coca-Cola released vanilla coke, George Dubya Bush's 2 terms finally ended, so did my belief in the end of the world coming, due to global warming, my sister bought a house, my wife joined the Dutchland rollers derby team and excelled in that, my wife's sister is marrying one of my best friends, Rick finally found a special someone, I am still working, i am still alive, i am still in love, i made a lot of friends...etc...etc...etc

Sara and I, April 22, 2006

Sara and I, in The Dominican Republic, right after our wedding

I also saw a lot of awesome flicks. Here is my annual list...

BEST MOVIES OF...

2000 -

Best In Show
Cast Away
Gladiator
Meet The Parents
O' Brother Where Art Thou?
The Tao Of Steve
American Psycho
Dancer In The Dark

2001 -
Donnie Darko
The Lord Of The Rings - The Fellowship Of The Ring
The Royal Tenenbaums
Shrek
Artificial Intelligence
The Devil's Backbone
Freddy Got Fingered
Hedwig And The Angry Inch
Jeepers Creepers
Joyride
The Majestic
Mulholland Drive
The Pledge
Rock Star
Super Troopers

2002 -
About Schmidt
Adaptation
Cabin Fever
Bubba Hotep
Death To Smoochy
Frailty
Gangs Of New York
Jason X
The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers
The Rules Of Attraction
Signs

2003 -
Bad Santa
Big Fish
Cabin Fever
Cold Mountain
Dumb And Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
Elf
Freddy Vs. Jason
House Of 1000 Corpses
Jeepers Creepers II
Kill Bill Vol. I
The Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King
Luther
A Mighty Wind
Open Water
Willard

2004 -
Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy
Dawn Of The Dead
Garden State
Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle
Hellboy
I Heart Huckabees
Kill Bill Vol. II
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou
Napoleon Dynamite
The Passion Of The Christ
Saved!
Shaun Of The Dead
Sideways
Some Kind Of Monster
Super Size Me
The Village

2005 -
Sin City
Batman Begins
Land Of The Dead
War Of The Worlds
The Devils Rejects
The Exorcism Of Emily Rose
The Weather Man
The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion The With And The Wardrobe
King Kong
The Family Stone
Corpse Bride
Hostel

2006 -
Slither
Nacho Libre
Clerks 2
Little Miss Sunshine
The Descent
The Illusionist
Beerfest
The Prestige
Borat: Cultural Learnings For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan
For Your Consideration
Tenacious D And The Pick Of Destiny
Apocalypto
Rocky Balboa
Pan's Labyrinth
American Hardcore
Feast
Idiocracy
Jesus Camp

2007 -
Black Snake Moan
Zodiac
300
Grindhouse: Planet Terror/Death Proof
Balls Of Fury
No Country For Old Men
The Mist
Juno
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
There Will Be Blood
Into The Wild

2008 -
Cloverfield
Rambo
Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
The Dark Knight
Step Brothers
Tropic Thunder
Hamlet 2
Milk
Doubt
Gran Torino
The Wrestler
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button

2009 -
Coraline
Observe And Report
Antichrist
Drag Me To Hell
Whatever Works
Bruno
District 9
Inglourious Basterds
Paranormal Activity
Zombieland

Obviously i have not seen "every movie" but...that was a good "off the cuff" list i suppose.

Now, even more impossible to round up...

my favorite music of the past 10 years (Mostly)

2000 -
Sunny Day Real Estate - The Rising Tide
Tantrum Of The Muse - Modernmu$ick(2000)! (yeah i added it, someone had to remember it)
Radiohead - Kid A
The Cure - Bloodflowers
Smashing Pumpkins - Machina (The machines Of God)
Ween - White Pepper
A Perfect Circle - Mer De Noms
The Deftones - White Pony
Enya - A Day Without Rain
O' Brother Where Art Thou? - Original Soundtrack

2001 -
Depeche Mode - Exciter
Tool - Lateralus
Built To Spill - Ancient Melodies Of The Future
Bjork - Vespertine

2002 -
Tom Waits - Alice
Rush - Vapor Trails
David Bowie - Heathen
Queens Of The Stone Age - Songs For The Deaf
Peter Gabriel - Up
Dredg - El Cielo
Tori Amos - Scarlet's Walk
Johnny Cash - IV The Man Comes Around
Michael Roe - Say Your Prayers
Starflyer 59 - Leave Here A Stranger

2003 -
Ministry - Animositisomina
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Nocturama
Fleetwood Mac - Say You Will
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Fever To Tell
The Darkness - Permission To Land
Ween - Quebec
David Bowie - Reality
Primus - Animals Should Not Try And Act Like People
Today Is The Day - Sadness Will Prevail
Mew - Frengers
The Violet Burning - This Is The Moment

2004 -
The Cure - Join The Dots
The Cure - The Cure
Fantomas - Delirium Cordia
Modest Mouse - Good News For People Who Like Bad News
Morrissey - You Are The Quarry
Ministry - Houses Of The Mole
U2 - How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb

2005 -
Queens Of The Stone Age - Lullabies To Paralyze
Fantomas - Suspended Animation
Big Business - Head For The Shallow
Dredg - Catch Without Arms
Neil Young - Prairie Wind
Torche - Torche
Starflyer 59 - Talking Voice Vs. Singing Voice

2006 -
David Gilmour - On An Island
Ministry - Rio Grande Blood
Slayer - Christ Illusion
Melvins - A Senile Animal
Tom Waits - Orphans
Mew - And The Glass Handed Kites
Band Of Horses - Everything, All The Time
The Violet Burning - Drop Dead

2007 -
Hella - There's No 666 In Outer Space
Band Of Horses - Cease To Begin
Bruce Springsteen - Magic
Battles - Mirrored
Torche - In Return
Big Business - Here Come The Waterworks

2008 -
Melvins - Nude With Boots
The Residents - The Bunny Boy
Starflyer 59 - Dial M
Metallica - Death Magnetic
Big Business - Mind The Drift
Torche - Meanderthal
The Cure - 4:13 Dream

2009 -
Bruce Springsteen - Working On A Dream
Mew - No More Stories Are Told Today...
Polvo - In Prism
Built To Spill - There Is No Enemy
Believer - Gabriel

So, what do i hope to accomplish in 2010? For starters, i have this long winded, long awaited Unteachers album that i have been hammering about for the better part of this old decade. I put my foot down on how long i will wait. This is the year for its release, or its death...but i am making it a release, and i have started working with my cousin, Travis, on it. I would also very much, like to find new employment. I really would like to get into silk screening, and selling odd designed t-shirts, etc. I would also like to start a family, and perhaps Sara and I will not begin this trek in 2010, but we are most certainly running out of free time!!! More important than what i would accomplish for myself, what does the Lord have for me this year??? Who knows!!! But i trust that it is absolutely good for me, no matter how good, or bad it feels!!!

Anyway, There you go, i hope this sums it up, and i hope i didn't miss too much!!!

Happy new year friends

Me...more recently

Tantrum Of The Muse - The Heart Is A Two Headed Sperm - 10th Anniversary Remastered download...

2009-09-28T02:29:00.006-04:00

TANTRUM OF THE MUSE - THE HEART IS A TWO HEADED SPERM - 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EDITION

This October, I am making the very first TOTM album, available for a digital download, with bonus tracks, live tracks, and some new artwork, not unlike the picture preview that is above. The album was unable to be remixed, which is very unfortunate, as there are LOTS of things we would love to repair, as far as production value. There is definitely something here to love though. I am not a fan of some of these songs anymore, and especially some of the lyrics, ESPECIALLY some of the unreleased material, but I am very proud of this artistic statement which was made when we were quite young and ignorant!!! I can recall being offered a record deal with the infamous Tooth & Nail Records (Starflyer 59, Mewithoutyou, Underoath, Danielson, Roadside Monument, etc, etc) and we passed because they wanted us to go and re-record the record, with new lyrics, new song titles, and a new album title. Well, being the proud and inspired young fools that we were, we politely passed them by, and held out for a smaller, lesser known, but fiercely passionate Takehold Records, all of this, of course, after our first record label, Sofa Records, decided that the record was a waste of their time and money!!! I recall Bob from Sofa asking me, once he listened to the album "Is all of that whispering and mouth noises supposed to be there"? I answered, "Of course", and he kinda changed the subject. I mentioned bands like Roadside Monument, and Blenderhead, bands that, at the time were giving us some pretty awesome post punk/hardcore/noise rock stuff that was underproduced, again, proudly, and just delivered with a ton of inspiration and passion. We were big fans of bands like Karp, Melvins and Today Is The Day, as well as some of the more melodic stuff like Sunny Day Real Estate, Quicksand, Built To Spill and Shudder To Think. Not to mention the prog stuff, oh and of course our wholesome upbringing on the Christian rock of Amy Grant, Keith Green, Petra and Stryper. We were a mess musically, and just coming out of the fundamentalist Christian school, unleashed into a public mainstream of different beliefs, and lifestyles that we were unfamiliar with. Christians gone wild? You bet!!! So much went on in those graduation years, and we had our whole lives ahead of us. A unique thing happened, where Rick and myself were making a bunch of noise, learning how to play our instruments (still haven't done that), seeing the, then, thriving music scene, still running off of the fumes of Nirvana's wake (etc) we wanted to be a part of the musical history, something we now refer to as, "the 90s" where so much great inspired music, with passion, was coming out, and everything was being recorded on analog, and 4tracks, and bands swapped cassette tapes, and making it in the music business, was a demo sent, snail mail, to a label of your choice. It was so easy for us. TOTM was always bigger than us. It was always a living beast of its own, and this record in particular is the reminder of that. In 1998 (actual year it was recorded) we sold it, diy, until takehold finally put a nice legit version out in stores, and in that year, we had developed a sorta, word of mouth, about what was going on at our shows, what kind of reaction we were getting. By the time we traveled out of PA, and DE, into the dirty south, and western states, there were droves of people asking what the heck we were doing, saying, playing!!!! It was an exciting time, and by the time our second album rolled around in 2000, people, i think, had come to know what to expect from us. I harken back to that first 2 years though, when the hope of continuing and playing the songs for years and years to come, was supported by the intense experiences we were having, playing these songs for the first time, in such a religious area like Lancaster county!!! I have a lot on my mind in reference to this album, and i do not look to it as just an album from my old band, but rather an album that is the staple of my angry attention deficit ridden youth!! Unlike Modernmu$ick, this record has a little light at the end of its very dark tunnel, and there is a naive innocence about this one, where we were not thinking like victims, entirely, but kids with a bit of steam in us. And, while we did correct some of the sonic (some) and performance quirks, i still believe this is the truest TOTM album. Sadly, Jim didn't play a lick of this one. Rick, and myself, along with any of our friends who were available for making added noise and screams, were along here for this project. Jim had joined the band around the same time, and we started rehearsing with him immediately following the mixing of this album.

I would like to do a commentary podcast, going through each song, and discussing things we remember, and tid bits that might strengthen your listen to it. I am really proud of this one though (You should hear the crap we did before this..UGH)
This is the first album from both Rick and myself, where it wasn't completely dated crap! It was ahead of its time in 1998 that is for sure, not sure what year to drop it in anymore. Who cares? Unteachers is a vast improvement all around anyway.

So, anyway, just giving you all a heads up that its coming soon, and while id love to release a vinyl record of it, im not sure any one label would be interested!!! Maybe though, who knows. For now, i leave you with a reminder of the upcoming record, not remixed, but remastered, edited, restored, cleaned up, majorly repaired, and sounding the best it can ever sound!!!!

Keep poking back in here, i should have links to everything in a few weeks.

CHEERS!!!!

- Stephen

CDS FOR SALE...

2009-08-13T16:47:00.002-04:00

I am selling a bunch of CDs/DVDs, to help fund my upcoming 7" release with Unteachers!! I have been going through some equipt. (computer, car, etc) problems, everything breaking down all at once, so i am grabbing a bunch of stuff that i have lying around, that i no longer need, and selling it...

In no particular order...

Andrew WK - Tear It Up cd/dvd - $5
The Majestic - OST - make an offer
The Lord Of The Rings - (fellowship OST) - make an offer
The Lord Of The Rings - (2towers OST) - make me an offer
Meshuggah - Nothing - $5
Tomahawk - Tomahawk (brown cardboard digipack) - $5
Bjork - Volta - $8 (brand new, but opened, weird red wrapping)
Starsailor - Silence Is Easy - make an offer
PJ Harvey - Stories from the city, stories from the sea - make an offer
Deconstruction - Deconstruction - make an offer
Saviour machine - II - rare $10
Saviour machine - Legend I - $5
Saviour machine - Legend II - $5
Saviour machine - Legend III:I - $5
Saviour machine - Behold a pale horse - $5
V/A Tooth and nail rock sampler vol 1 - $5
V/A Solid State records - This is solid state - $5
The Crossing - Dochas - $5
Redeem - A Diadem Of Beauty - $5
Speedy Delivery - Make me an offer, this is rare
Pink Daffodils - Listless EP - make an offer, this is rare also
Training For Utopia/Zao split EP - $5
Amy Grant - The collection - $5
The Seventy Sevens - Pray Naked - $10
The Seventy Sevens - Drowning With Land In Sight - $10
Deliverance - Greetings Of Death, Etc. (limited copies) - $8 or best offer
Poor Old Lu - Star Studded Super Step - $5 (artwork is somewhat damaged, but a rare find)
Scaterd Few - Sin Disease/Jawboneofanass kmg double album - $10
Holy Soldier - Last train - $10 (super rare)
Twothirtyeight - Missing You Dearly - $8 (rare)
Circle Of Dust - Circle Of Dust (re-release 1995, r.e.x. album) - $8
DC Talk - Free At last - $5
Petra - Rock Block - make an offer
Petra - Petraphonics - make an offer
The Blamed - Frail - $8
Stryper - Can't Stop The Rock - make an offer
Stryper - 7 weeks: live in America 2003 - make an offer
Blackball - Super heavy dreamscape - $5
V/A Tooth and nail records - Helpless amongst friends vol 1 - $5
Carman - Yo Kids (a gag gift given to me, i dare you to buy this)
Dead Kennedys - Plastic Surgery Disasters/In God We Trust, INC - $5
Dead Kennedys - Give me convenience or give me death - $5
Today Is The Day - Supernova (original, rare) - $5
The Cure - The head on the door - $5
The Cure - Pornography - $5
The Cure - Faith - $5
The Cure - Seventeen Seconds - $5
The Cure - Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me - $5
the Police - Every breath you take: the classics - $5
Pink Floyd - A Momentary Lapse Of Reason - make an offer
Pink Floyd - Division Bell - make an offer
Pink Floyd - Dark Side Of The Moon - $5
Rush - Power Windows (remastered) - $5
Rush - Snakes & arrows - (digipack, new but opened) - $5
Rush - Hold Your Fire (remastered) - $5
Rush - Grace under pressure (remastered) - $5
Rush - Signals (remastered) - $5
Rush - Roll The Bones (remastered) - $5
Peter Gabriel - So (original) - $5
Peter Gabriel - Shaking the tree - make an offer
High On Fire - The art of self defense - $5
Bad Brains - God Of Love - $5
Sensefield - Building - $5
When In Rome - When In Rome - make an offer
David Bowie - Reality - make an offer
David Bowie - Heathen - $5
Ours - Distorted Lullabies - $5
Ours - Precious - $5
Sarah McLachlan - Solace - $5
Live - Throwing copper - make an offer
The Flaming Lips - The Soft Bulletin - $5
The Sugarcubes - Stick Around For Joy - $5
Clutch - prime numbers (rare comp/sampler) - $5
V/A Monster Ballads Vol. 2 - make an offer
Frank Zappa - Strictly Commercial - $5
Brutal Truth - Goodbye Cruel World (2XCD) - $8

DVDS: all dvds are $5 plus shipping

The Proposition
Three Days, Starring Janes Addiction
Talladaga Nights, The ballad of Ricky Bobby
Superman Returns
Frailty
Hannibal Rising
The Omen (2006)
Little Miss Sunshine
The Man Who Wasn't There
Monster's Ball
In America
The Ring
Anatomy Of A Shark Bite (Discovery Channel exclusive)
the Brothers Grimm
Winged Migration
Baseketball
Bowling For Columbine
Beavis & Butthead Do America
Falling Down
Earnest Saves Christmas

ALSO, i have 2 gigs worth of brand new RAM, for Imac g5 version 10.4.11, that i will sell to anyone interested, ill give it to you for $70 (Two, 1gig disks) and free shipping (for ram)

Additionally, there is also a complete list of merchandise, of my various musical projects, a few blog posts down, this is also available.

Shipping:
1 CD - $1 additional
additional CDs - $3 total for all
1 DVD - $2 additional for all
additional DVDs - $4 additional for all

Some of the cds are well used, everything should play no problem, some are mint condish!! If you buy a cd, and there are any problems, ill just give the $ back. All play fine though as far as i know. Just ask me about the condition of any of them before you buy i will be honest.

You can contact me at Stephenmarksarro@yahoo.com and i will give you paypal/payment options, work it all out, etc.

thanks, and i hope there is something for you on this list...

I got some thoughts on some new music...

2009-07-24T10:32:00.005-04:00

STRYPER - MURDER BY PRIDE -

I have been a stryper fan since soldiers under command was released to the world, yes the whole world, and unlike most Christian music at that time (1985) Stryper gave us very young musicians much hope, due to the major label, major selling cross over that took place throughout most of their career. Stryper had the look, the sound, and they were undeniably the best pop metal band coming out of that scene, and i have a theory as to why it is so popular to make fun of them now...one thought comes to mind, duh, they are Christians. Christians are so unpopular, right? Another would be that Stryper sang about Jesus and encouraged people, instead of having tons of sex with fans, and snorting drugs, etc. I guess to "truly" be a 80s metal band, you have to play the part....bullshit!!! Stryper, hands down, sang better, played better, and come on, the harmonies? No doubt about it, these guys were the real deal...

So i take it seriously, when they are around. I was bummed out when they broke up, and i was really excited when they got back together. The reunion tours were a lot of fun. Then the band dropped a new album. YES!!! I was so excited, but in my heart of hearts, i knew that the band no doubt fell victim to the Creeds, and all that other popular crap on the radio. Most bands of that era, when they reunite, seem to fall prey to the cheese that is modern rock. Unfortunately Stryper did just that. Their 2005 album REBORN was a disappointment to me. Now, to be fair, anytime a half decent rock song is played, and Michael Sweet sings on it, i hear that Stryper element, and it is worlds better to me than any of the current stuff. Supposedly Reborn was a solo album of Michael's and the band took those songs and used them, which totally explains the lack of true Stryper, classic Stryper element. So, fast forward to 2009. What is in store for the first, truly band effort Stryper album since 1990's Against The Law??? I had little expectation after reborn, but...what the hell, knowing that the band was actually going to write together for this one, being a band now, for a few years again, and knowing Michael has been on his A game since joining the band Boston. I will give this new record a twirl. Well...first off...this record is way more focused than reborn. The guys clearly have been reminded of what made their sound so special. Murder By Pride, is no doubt a Stryper fan record!!! All the big harmonies are back!!! Michael's power house vocal performances are back!!! (Including the old school high pitch vocals) Oz is shredding metallic leads all over the place!!! Robert is playing the kit with an urgency that hasn't been there since the old days. The production is much better (reborn sounding very independent) and while the title and cover art are nothing to get excited over, the songs are a refreshing welcome back, for the band. While this album sounds classic, it also fits snug with the modern alt-rock stuff that is happening now. Not a big deal to me, but the important thing to note is that the band has not outdated themselves, only doing what they used to. They found a nice balance here, which i thought was very relevant and showed they still rock, plain and simple!! There is nothing new here, mind you, if you hated classic Stryper, your probably going to hate new Stryper, but if you missed what made them so catchy and awesome, than there is some worthwhile songs to check out here.

Here are the songs, and my quick commentary on each...

1. Eclipse Of The Sun - Fast, catchy classic Stryper. Big harmonies. Great melodies. Could easily be a single.

2. 4 Leaf Clover - Heavy, slower, darker sounding, but lots of classic harmonies, and just overall good riffs. Catchy.

3. Peace Of Mind - This is the best Stryper has sounded in years!!! This should be all over radio. I saw Stryper play this on vh1 a year ago, and they killed!!! This song is a Boston cover, and features Tom Scholz, and wow...a stand out track for sure.

4. Alive - This song is the ballad of the album. This is a very classic sounding ballad, with Michael and a piano, and the band building. It actually turns out to be a really catchy song. Another radio sounding song.

5. The Plan - Another "radio hit" sounding song. This one sticks out as a more modern formula. Like the last 4 songs, this one is really catchy and has great hooks.

6. Murder By Pride - Around this part of the album, the songs are a little less easy to listen to. Sure, they are still catchy and heavy, and harmonic, etc...but they are less of what would be radio worthy. This is one of the more metal sounding songs.

7. I Believe - This song sounds like it should be on CCM radio. If anyone else would have recorded this, i would not have cared. The music is solid, catchy modern radio stuff, but Michael singing on this is one of his stronger performances. Great pop song.

8. Run In You - A smooth pop song, pretty chill. Great guitar work. One of the better songs on the album. Great chorus hook. This is a stand out, radio hit song. Excellent!! Also sounds very current.

9. Love Is Why - Also a catchy pop song. Less heavy. Enjoyable, but not the biggest song here.

10. Mercy Over Blame - This song sounds like it would have been on Reborn, as far as song structure. Heavy, groove laden, cheesy, i think. One of the less interesting songs, but those harmonies are there, and they sound so damn good.

11. Everything - Slightly classic metal in its sound. Not that interesting to me. Kinda annoying chorus back vocals. Another lesser interesting song.

12. My Love (I'll Always Show) - TRULY classic Stryper, because it is an old song that was never given the proper recording, and instead was turned into a ballad on the first Stryper album. This is an awesome way to end this return to form.

A quick note: Michael's wife died of cancer a few months ago, and Michael is pressing forward with a new Stryper tour. Keep his family in prayer!!!

MEW - NO MORE STORIES ARE TOLD TODAY, IM SORRY THEY WASHED AWAY, NO MORE STORIES, THE WORLD IS GREY, IM SORRY, LET'S WASH AWAY

yes, that is the name of the new Mew album.

Ok, so...as some of you may know, i hate almost everything going on in music. Unless it is a band i grew up listening to (hence Stryper) or an occasional band that captivates me, i just don't listen to anything. Im bored. I have been for years, and years. A friend of mine burned me Mew's last full length "And The Glass Handed Kites" a few years ago, and i was literally floored by it. I felt like, for the first time in years, i was discovering a band that had a whole new sound all their own. This is true about Mew. There was nothing like it out there ever before, and i was so full of joy over it. I put that record in such high regard, and have compared it to all new releases since (2005) and every time a new album came out, that i was highly anticipating (The new Cure, the new Smashing Pumpkins, etc. etc.) and they fell flat on me, i always went back to Mew. I have always believed, ever since falling in love with their last album, that it could never be topped by anyone, even by Mew themselves. So, when they announced a year or 2 back, that writing and recording had begun for the follow up, unlike any other example, i felt promised that i was going to get a record that was not as good as the last, but still unbelievably good and still a thousand times more interesting than anything else going on. I was becoming a little obsessed with my guesses as to what they were building, picturing them like mad scientists in a lab, preparing for world domination. Than a month ago, Mew posted a new track. FINALLY, the wait was coming to an end. The new song took me by surprise, while i heard from the small tid bits from the band, that this new record was going to be less ambitious and epic as the last (I knew it) i was kinda expecting a song much closer to their less epic, epic - Frengers (2003). What the world got, was a really choppy technical prog-rock song, with a pop overtone, kinda in the vein of the song, special, off of ATGHK! YES!!! this album was going to kill!!

Now, i, and others, have the new album, and honestly i am really surprised by the lack of enthusiasm for these songs. A lot of people are disappointed that it was not better than the last record. This thought process led me to realize that it is unfair to judge a band like that and sentence them for not writing albums as epic as other albums they wrote. For one, the great album by Mew that we compare new Mew albums too, were still created by Mew, so we should look at the body of work and just be in awe of how much imagination they have, and still have. This new record is nothing like ATGHK, but it is nothing like Frengers, and it is nothing like anything going on now, or ever. The band still manages to capture the complicated things inside their heads, and painstakingly execute the record they are looking to make, and they take a long time, but eventually when the work is done, you have an undeniably urgent sound, and an overwhelming resume by one of the worlds last great innovators. So, before i do my track by track commentary, let me heard, and im shouting from the mountaintops, this new album by Mew is one of the best albums i have heard, since 2005, when i heard their last album ;) ;) First, some of the things, deemed "bad" about the record...
Gone is a lot of the nerdy prog rock that made the last album really special. Much less guitar overall in the mix and performance. The element of bassist Johan Wohlert (who left after ATGHK) is missing, and from assumption, he was the "heavier" element, because his new band, The Storm, has that nerdy prog-rock Rush thing going on a bit, so my guess is that was the missing piece to the puzzle. After that, i cannot honestly think of anything anyone could complain about, oh, maybe the fact that its so damn hard to remember the album title. Ok, now onto the important matters...

I won't be suggesting stand out tracks, because every song on this record is amazing!!! The album has a TON of atmosphere, and is keyboard heavy, vocal heavy. A lot of vocal experimentation is here. The album has a much less heavy attack, and is replaced by lots of drifty dancy pop songs, but the song writing here is so off the wall. A lot of songs are slow burners, where they play out over 5, 6,7 minutes long, and continually progress into other things. In a lot of ways, this album is more complicated than the past records. Sure, when i first heard it all the way through, i thought "um, this needs to grow on me" but i was patient with this one, as anyone needs to be. That is the key here: Patience, because we needed a lot of it, to give the band time to construct it. They deserve our patience and focus. This album is a stranger at our door, who once we get over the hump of inviting them into our home, will become a best friend to us.

1. New Terrain - This song starts the album off on an odd note. A good thing. Sounds like it is backwards, as if the band performed it backwards, and then they reversed it, so you could hear what they were trying to say/play. Weird idea. Then the song blows into this huge heavy dark wall of sound. Epic. Awesome. There is a twist of 80s new wave here too. The song ends with a beautiful keyboard, ala, the circuitry of the wolf from the last album.

2. Introducing Palace Players - This was the first song the band shared on the myspace site before the rest was heard. Whoa!!! Crazy timing on the drums and guitar, etc. Then it blows into a crazy jagged guitar funk song, with really technical drum work. Over top is gushing keyboards, and Silas layered vocals, carrying the melodies and the overall flow. This reminds me of Special, as i said before.

3. Beach - YES! A feel good quirky pop song. Beautiful. Catchy. Continually growing. Lots of vocals. So great!!!

4. Repeat Beater - Another song that was released before hand, on a special EP (along with Introducing...) This is the song that should be on radio, right now. Short, sweet, faster, tons of layers. I have no freakin idea what this band is doing, but it makes me want to go out and so something. I could listen to a 30 minute version of this song, but we get a 2 minute version here, making us want much more.

5. Intermezzo 1 - Less than a minute segue into another track. Weird keys.

6. Silas The Magic Car - Energy slows down here, just for a few minutes, to give us a beautiful quiet song, with a lot to look for. This song gives us a great simple stripped down vocal performance, which is good to hear once and a while from this band. Wow, such a great song. Makes me want to drive around on a summer night.

7. Cartoons And Macreme Wounds - Back to epic. This song starts with a Mew interpretation of The Beach Boys, vocally. The song goes into some strange tripped out territory after a minute or so. I cannot picture how this would sound live. So weird, so beautiful. Makes the hair stand on my neck. This is a more progressive song, i love it, it keeps growing into more, and different things. It gets quiet for a moment, and then there are several minutes to go. So inventive. Songs like this make me want to keep going in my own music, but songs like these also make me wanna give up!!!

8. A Dream - A short little segue into the next song, where Silas is just singing the title of the album in a weird pattern, with a quiet guitar, bass, drum performance. Beautiful even though its not really a full song.

9. Hawaii - Yes, weird drums and sounds, reminding me of Porno For Pyros a little, during their Good Gods Urge album. A full band doing the vocals together, the guitar is picking like a ditty, and it sounds like Mew street music. Oh but wait, a minute in, the surfy sounding guitar comes in, and the song takes a whole new direction. This is a great summer song, and even though i described it as a song that fits the title, its really not. Weird. Another slow burner, because half way into the song, it goes into a huge sounding, epic wall of sound, like the last record. Beautiful. Who saw that coming???

10. Vaccine - My wife and I agree that this is another song that should be a single. Super catchy beautiful upbeat song. The song builds and builds, and explodes into progressive funky weird pop. Then this song goes into a doomy dark heavy drum pounding conclusion. EPIC, people, like you wanted it to be!!! Godsake, this album doesn't stop...it just keeps delivering...

11. Tricks - This is really 80s dark new wave, meets Radiohead (ala Thief) Real danceable. Another catchy song. Great guitar moments. One of the more drifty songs too, it feels like they are floating away. I love the use of 80s sounds.

12. Intermezzo - Another minute long segue into the next track. Weird keyboards, and weird drums.

13. Sometimes Life Isn't Easy - Ok, back to epic, big, progressive slow, and everything else in between. I cannot give this (or many) songs any justice. There are horns, there are tons of keys. There are drum beats and percussion that are all over the place. Distorted bass. Acoustic guitars. Now, a beautiful break with pianos and keys, the song is building into something huge, finally exploding into one of the most beautiful moments on the record. Really catchy pop with lots of things going on. I know i keep repeating myself, but even though i keep describing it the same, there is simply no way to explain this sound to you. Its on its own ground completely!! One of my favorite songs, to be sure!!!

14. Reprise - Shhh...quiet keyboard/drum/guitar instrumental version of Silas The Magic Car, but it grows into an entirely new song of its own. Slow gothic sounding keyboards. Huge echoed guitars, tons of ambience. Back to quiet. Fantastic keyboard exit, slow and quiet. Wow. My mind has officially been blown!!!!

Now, a rant. I want to hear from people who keep saying this record isn't as good, or isn't interesting you, if you say you are a Mew fan. Honestly, how on earth does one person come to a conclusion that this record is not worth the time and money, unless they did a one time glance, and judged it without the patience and study that it deserves. I have listened to this carefully well over 10 times, and i am consistently introduced to new ideas, that are deep within the songs up front elements. Show me where Mew has gone wrong here. For every con, i will give you easily 10 pros. The proof is in the pudding!!This is easily the best record of 2009, so far, but like i said, its albums like this, that i put up high, and compare to others, and bands like Coldplay, and Radiohead have HUGE shoes to fill now. Mew have not broken into mainstream American audiences.....yet....and if this record (and really, the last) didn't do that for them, like it did in their own country, than music is really, officially dead. Lucky for us (and Mew) they are the opening band for Nine Inch Nails, on Trent's last tour, which will no doubt get some heads turned over to Mew's inventive sound. When this record drops (August 25) go buy it, and cherish it. There won't be a record this good, for a long long time!!!

THE CRUCIFIED - THE COMPLETE COLLECTION!!!

2009-07-06T19:19:00.007-04:00

THE CRUCIFIED - THE COMPLETE COLLECTION
Tooth & Nail Records - 2009

The Crucified, for those of you who have no idea, was one of the greatest hardcore/thrash/punk bands to ever grace the earth, and even better...they were singing about Jesus Christ, back in the days when both the music, and the message were far from the normal concert going experience!!! I have been a fan ever since the Self titled debut album on Pure Metal records (I think that was the label), back then Christian radio actually would play stuff like this, i know, its unheard of, right? Anyway, so I never got to see The Crucified, i started my annual trekking to Cornerstone Festival (The land of great concert opportunity) in 1994, a year after they had broken up, or were breaking up. I skipped 1995, and of course, the band decided that was a great time to play again...for the last time!!! UGH!!! So, here it is 2009, 25 years after the band had begun (1984) and to celebrate the work of this pioneering hardcore band, not only did the band get back together, to play EVERYWHERE BUT HERE...but Tooth & Nail decided to be cool again, and release something worth my time and my dime, the ENTIRE recorded work of The Crucified, remastered, some remixed, complete with a DVD to boot!!! Holy shit, this is great news!!! I will break down each disc...there are three...

Disc 1 - DEMOS

-KGB (1985)
Kids in Gods blessing? According to the booklet, that is what the band name, at the time, stood for. Cute!!! There are 10 tracks of really raw punk rock. The performance is tight, but you can tell the band is just getting started.

-Take Up Your Cross (1986)
Ok, 1 year later, the band is tighter, faster, and harder than before. Still a raw punk rock sound. Better production. Highlights here: Silent Scream, Seal Number Four, Directed Youth, Washed Out/Apathy demo, Freedom

-Nailed (1987)
Another year, and another step towards harder, faster, punk rock. This demo sounds, production wise, like a step backward, but the songs on here are much better. This demo is much shorter too, which is too bad because every song kicks ass.
Highlights: All 7 songs

- Live At The New Order (1989)
Like all of these releases, this was originally a 7 song demo, displaying live versions of the songs, mostly from the Nailed release. The sound quality for 1989, and for punk rock, is supurb! The performance makes me jealous i was not there when it all went down. A good preview of what the band was like in those glorious late 80s!!
Highlights: Conviction/Seal Number Four, Death To Death

-Ocean Records Demos (1993)
So, there were 2 songs that survived the break up of the Crucified, songs that were, separated and released on compilations in the early 90s, and were supposedly the scraps of an attempted 3rd album recording. The cd booklet for this box set states that the band found themselves struggling to continue writing a new album, and that was why they ended the band. Honestly, im suspicious that there were darker, personal reasons left out of this collections commentary, but for what its worth, these 2 songs are the best the band ever sounded, in production and song writing, and i find it really hard to believe the band could not take a year or so, and write 8 more that sound like these!!! Its a DAMN SHAME, Power Of God is one of the best hardcore songs ever put to tape!!!!! The remixing of the songs also made this a enjoyable listen. But more on remixing, later...
Highlights" both songs, Power Of God, and Straining Life.

Disc 2 - ALBUMS

- The Crucified (1989)
Ahh yes, the crushing debut full length that took a giant step into thrash metal territory. Thank God they did, this stuff kills. This album always bring back memories of my youth, rocking out, air guitar playing, to this "tape". My only gripe with this album is the production has too much high end, and not enough bass guitar in the mix. I was hoping they would (could) remix this, and although we do get a great remaster job here, the mix is the same. I will assume it was out of the bands hands, or the tapes were not in good condition, or perhaps the band just doesn't have them?!?! Who knows...who cares.
Highlights: The whole record, not a bad song!!!

- The Pillars Of Humanity (1991)
The pummeling last record by this great band, displayed here, remixed, remastered, and sounding better than ever. The production suffered all these years, and there was so much more offered than we realized, now hearing the drums and bass so much better, as well as Marks voice loud and clear in the mix! The songs on this album are absolutely crushing, and they have the best breakdowns. The guys perform their asses off. The lyrics are pretty good too, considering the times. OMG, seriously people if you are fans of old school hardcore and thrash, you will absolutely love this album. Its my fave Crucified album by far, and it gets better as it goes.
Highlights: The whole frickin cd!!!!

Disc 3 - DVD

The 3rd and final disc, is a dvd featuring nearly two hours of never before seen footage (20+ songs from various live shows, behind the scenes footage from 1987 to 1992, and more) Having not seen the band, and youtube lacking any real footage, this was a HUGE deal to me. The quality is great, and there is a bunch of funny tour footage. I especially loved the footage of Jeff pumping gas, with the bands manager, both acting like rednecks. Hilarious!!! I also loved the footage of the band hanging out at WORD records headquarters!!! There is also footage of Mark singing, with a full head of hair, which took me by surprise. I don't know, this is a lot of Crucified, wrapped up in a tight package, for very little money, and it is highly worth your dime, so go pick it up and support one of the last great Christian bands, and who knows, maybe they will keep going and give us that 3rd album we have all hoped for, afterall!!!

Scaterd Few, its your turn!!!

Support my very Independent music...support cancer benefit...

2009-06-11T13:47:00.007-04:00

MERCH AVAILABLE...HELP A FRIEND...HELP ME MAKE MORE MUSIC AVAILABLE...

The following merchandise is available now, proceeds going to the Pierce family benefit, from now, until August. After august, the proceeds will fund the new Unteachers album, being funded completely by the band, with full color 12"LP vinyl. If your a fan, please support both causes...

STEPHEN MARK SARRO - SYMPATHY FOR THE LIVING - CD - $10 PPD

(For fans of dark noise/ambient/industrial/avant-garde)

1. Zzz...zzzz....x!
2. I Have Sympathy
3. The Diary Entries Of A Mad Man
4. A Banshee
5. Eye Want Your Girlfriend
6. Roast Beast (Eating A Pig's Thoughts)
7. Kiss Off!
8. I Dance To The Beat Of Doldrums
9. Steal My Joy (Mermaid)
10. Weddings & Funerals

TANTRUM OF THE MUSE - THE DOWNTRODDEN & THE SIDHE - CD - $8 PPD

(Live album, from our "40 Days Of Disaster" tour with Underoath, Narcissus and FewLeftStanding, in July of 2000, at Tom Fest, this cd is out of print, and has 2 unreleased tracks)

1. Cliffy Huntington Standing In Front Of The Entertainment
2. The Devil's House Of Techno
3. Chiroptera Armada
4. Conestoga Cougars
5. For The Birds
6. Fatigued
7. The Lyre And The Pipe
8. Downtrodden!

UNTEACHERS - VINYL STICKER - $1 PPD

UNTEACHERS - BAND PIN 4 PACK - $2 PPD

(Individual pin orders, $1)

TANTRUM OF THE MUSE/UNDEROATH/NARCISSUS/FEWLEFTSTANDING TAKEHOLD RECORDS TOUR POSTER - $8 PPD

(Signatures from Members of TOTM and Narcissus, available, at your request, these posters are out of print)

Also available, Furnace Fest 2000 original posters, same price, same info, not pictured)

Send well hidden cash, money orders, or checks, made out to:
Stephen Sarro
3233 Lincoln Highway E.
(apartment 2)
Paradise, PA 17562

Also, coming later this summer, TANTRUM OF THE MUSE - THE HEART IS A 2 HEADED SPERM - 10 Year Anniversary Remastered, with bonus tracks...

and...

UNTEACHERS - LOGOS - SPLIT 7" Coming later this year!!!

I am also working on a follow up to Sympathy For The Living, yes i know i said that a year ago. I am doing this, because i always wanted to, and because of the kind of "album" it is, and what i want it to be, it doesn't need label backing, major recording, etc. Its going to be very similar to SFTL, but with better production, and better material. It will be a single track, half hour long musical experience, and the proceeds of this recording, will go toward the biggie, that being the debut Unteachers full length record, as of yet, untitled. I plan on recording the album, that i have been off and on, working on, for years. It is the follow up to Tantrum Of The Muse's Modernmu$ick(2000)!, and is technically, the 3rd TOTM full length, only with a name change!!! I waited many years to work on this, but sat around, looking for a band to work on it with me. I decided for myself, its very unhealthy for me, as an artist, to hold onto my art any longer. With this major swallowing of my pride, i decided i will exist as a musician and an artist, on my own terms, by my own hands, since relying on other people, only stops you, constantly, and because this sort of album, is an overwhelming amount of work and performance, it is not as simple as just grabbing any person you know who holds down a basic beat or strums a basic riff. Joining me (hopefully) on drums will be Rick Wise (TOTM drummer). He and I started TOTM, and recorded the 1st album, as a "power duo" and so my plan is to return to that simple way of expression!!! The merch that i make available, will be to fund bigger projects. Please consider supporting that, knowing that i always give my songs away for free, when i can, in the past especially, i have continually been a giver, to those who care to keep my songs in existence. When I have literally, 0 funds or 0 label support, to move forward, and have to make the painful decision to fund everything on my own, not making that much money in my own personal life, it only makes sense to make the merch available for a fair price, always putting $ back into the product making process!!! Eventually, if i can make enough to continually create more records, more songs, more merch, i can give away, when necessary!!!

So, stay tuned, and support me if you can and desire to.

Thanks,

-S

NIN-JAHHH!!! Etc...

2009-06-07T18:37:00.009-04:00

Finally...I got to see the "real" Jane's Addiction!!!

Alright, so my friend Byron and i went to Camden NJ, to see Nine Inch Nails and the glorious Jane's Addiction play this past friday night. There were other bands, like Tom Morello's new band, "Street Sweeper" but i heard them, and i did not like them at all, so we arrived "purposely late" and missed them, helping me enjoy a less distracting musical evening! We had lawn seats, which was not something we were proud of, considering it was heavy rain the night we went, but we could not afford the pavilion seating, which sold the cheapest tickets for $70 give or take, however when we arrived our $25 lawn tickets were upgraded for $10 more, to available pavilion seats!! YES!!! This made up for the $20 parking!! At least now we will be closer to the stage, and we will manage to stay dry!! We got our tickets, and made our way to the seats, when NIN started kicking the doors in. We sat in our seats, but they had us seated way too far to the right. Fortunately there were a few rows of seats empty, so we just jumped ahead and walked left and made ourselves at home!!!

NINE INCH NAILS...

(Setlist)

Home
Beginning Of The End
1,000,000
March Of The Pigs
The Line Begins To Blur
Survivalism
The Big Come Down
Head Down
Burn
Gave Up
Metal
Banged And Blown Through
The Downward Spiral
Wish
Heresy
Mr. Self Destruct
The Day The Whole World Went Away
Physical
The Hand That Feeds
Head Like A Hole

NIN had a ton of energy, and played a very different kind of show. It was weird. I almost felt like i was watching a really awesome NIN cover band. The guys on stage seemed in good spirits, and just tried to connect emotionally to the songs, but couldn't, instead choosing to have fun, knowing that they were not the angry brooding emotionally unstable band that they used to be. Having Robin Finck back in the guitar spot, made it a much better show. He has a ton of charisma!! Trent made a few jokes about not singing the songs with the passion, but that he would try harder. Those who do not know whats going on with him, he recently found his significant other, and if im not mistaken, they are getting married. Happy Trent still put on a hell of a good show. I have to admit, some of the smashing of gear on stage seemed a bit forced, but when Trent threw the mic stand 20 feet into the air, during one of the heavier songs, the crowd literally gasped. My favorites from the set, of course were the Broken/Downward Spiral/Fragile moments, and it was great to hear Mr. Self Destruct, and Heresy live, even if the lyrics "God is dead and no one cares" seems so immature, that song and that album still blows me away, and i never thought i would hear those older, heavier tunes live again. Of course, they played Wish, and that was one of the crazier songs live. This was my 2nd time seeing NIN live, and while i would never rank this show up there with the likes of the earlier tours, it was still really fun, and exciting, as any big loud arena concert in 90s spirit could be, and it was certainly a unique show, and a very different NIN, which i found refreshing. Its nice to hear those demented industrial songs, coming from a band that didn't dress the part!!!

finally....

JANE'S ADDICTION...

(Setlist)

Three Days
Whores
Ain't No Right
Pigs In Zen
Then She Did...
Up The Beach
Mountain Song
Been Caught Stealing
Had a Dad
Ocean Size
Ted, Just Admit it...
Summertime Rolls
Stop!
Jane Says

It was a long time coming for me. I had been a Jane's Addiction fan since the genius that is Ritual De Lo Habitual!!! I listened to Porno For Pyros, I watched as members of Jane's Addiction reunited, without their much needed bassist, Eric Avery, replacing him with guys like Flea, and Chris Chaney, but it was never right. I watched Perry Farrell go solo, and i have enjoyed all of the music, especially porno for pyros, but still...i never got to "see" JA live. Then Perry went and started a terrible band with his wife, called, Satellite Party, and just stole all of my hope away, to ever see a proper Perry rockfest!! So here it is, the reunion of the real JA!! The lights went down, and a giant video screen in front of the stage started playing some weird movie clip. There was a young kid, and an older gentleman, talking about music. The kid says something like "I like Jane's Addiction, i wish i saw them before they broke up" followed promptly, by Eric Avery's intro bass line into "Three Days", with Perry saying the "At this moment" speech, from the album. The concert lights came on, the screen lifted up, and there they were. Beautiful!!! Opening with the masterpiece Three Days, brought a calming element, everybody was just chilled out, and watched them grow the set into what it would become. As the band played into the more punk energy, i was holding out for those Perry banshee vocals, that he is known for. I noticed he was holding back a bit from doing a lot of the wailing that makes the JA songs so awesome. This was a bit of a let down. The band more than made up for it though, playing the music like they never left!! i noticed the songs were tuned down a bit. That, and Perry's less than dramatic approach reminded me that he did turn 50 this year. Sad that the ferocious and hardcore elements were missing this time. But, looking at that set list, hearing the band play those songs perfectly, and hearing, even a less than perfect Perry Farrell...finally...was still a moment I will not forget!!! The banter between Perry and the audience was fun. He is always saying weird stuff to people, and gets reactions from the crowd. I especially loved the fact that he pointed out that Camden NJ, was really just Philadelphia!! "Well lets call ourselves friends for now, we will work on calling ourselves lovers later" was a funny line as well. The band ended with the sweet sounding, Jane Says, with Eric and Dave jamming, on stools, with acoustics. Steve was doing the percussion, etc. It was a great way to say good night.

I dunno. Those songs are so old now, and so are the band members, that i struggle to find any more expectations than i received on friday. Having the real JA back in business, makes me hopeful for new material, and i think that is where we will see the vital JA again, creating something new. Having Avery back was so important to the band's sound, and it will be interesting to hear the band, not just playing the old tunes, but playing something new!!! The point of this tour was to rekindle, i think, the Lollapalooza days, when JA reigned supreme, and NIN was getting started. It was a sweet thought for sure, but what happened was the creation of a very different kinda NIN-JA, i mean come on, a happy NIN, and a 50 year old Perry Farrell, 2 things i thought i would never see!!!

and now for something completely different...

I am a huge Sam raimi fan. Most people who know me, know that i am a big time horror movie fan!!! Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, and Army Of Darkness, are 3 movies i have put on the very small list of "Essential classics" but Raimi, left his horror movie roots behind him, many years ago. You can count Darkman, i guess, as a horror movie, but that was also...a long time ago. Raimi went on to become a bloated hollywood blockbuster director with the Spiderman trilogy (Spiderman 2 being the only good one in my eyes) and honestly, with the plague of terrible horror remakes, aimed at getting ticket sales from 16 year old kid with allowance, and the over use of cgi in movies, i didn't expect much from my boy Raimi, and then finding out the movie was rated PG-13, i almost gave up hope. But, I saw the trailer, which looked good. Ahh, but most movie trailers show the best parts of movies, so they all look "good" usually...so...really, i had little expectations. Then the reviews started pouring in, and they were all good. Everyone was saying it was comparable to the Evil Dead trilogy. Are you f***in kidding me??? I could not wait to see this thing, but how could it be so good, without an R?? Well, for starters, i learned that the rating system is political!!! Sam Raimi made one hell of a movie, and he did not hold back AT ALL!!! in the first 5 minutes, we see a child...yes a child, dragged into the "storybook view of" hell, you know, the big fire pit in the ground? Geez, that was harsh Sam!!! What we get for the next hour and a half, is non stop edge of your seat craziness, ala, Evil Dead, baby!!!! I could not believe how well it fit into the old movies he made in that dusty cabin!!! This movie is AS GOOD as Army Of Darkness, but it is much darker, and has the feel of Evil Dead 2, with its demented comedic edge, not as good of course as ED2, but you get the drift!!! The acting is very good, the effects are great, there is very little cgi, the style of film is purposely cheap looking in areas, unlike the deceiving poster art you see here, It is just old school horror, with an excellent story, a ton of fun to watch, and concluding with one of the best endings i have seen in a horror movie, in years!!! If you have not already done so, see this movie, and salute Raimi, for not just saying he has returned to true horror, but for actually demonstrating it!!!!!

U2 - No Line On The Horizon

2009-02-20T01:48:00.003-05:00

U2 - No Line On The Horizon
Tracklist:
1. No Line On The Horizon
2. Magnificent
3. Moment Of Surrender
4. Unknown Caller
5. I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight
6. Get On Your Boots
7. Stand Up Comedy
8. FEZ - Being Born
9. White As Snow
10. Breathe
11. Cedars Of Lebanon

First of all, I feel i must set the record straight about U2. They are quite possibly the greatest rock band the world has ever seen. I am a massive U2 fan, and i can say that about them confidently, based on the existence of records like...well the first half of their discography, to be perfectly honest. While I am a fan, i am also a purist, when i listen to this band. Sure its fair to cut them a break, they are middle aged men, and they have nothing else to prove. Why not let them just rock, right? That is fine, as long as the band, and the fans are honest. If U2 could stop saying "We feel strongly that this new album is some of the best material we have ever created" and instead say, "We are middle aged rock stars, we have made enough money, we have said all that needs to be said, we just wanna keep creating the most creative music that we can, why stop, when we still have songs in us"? I feel like i could, at least, respect that. But, with No Line On The Horizon, it is clear that U2 are not done trying to be the innovative, and break new ground. Fair enough, but now that you know that i deeply admire this band, and most of their work, I have to admit, this new record is, at best, worth EP status. First the positives...

For starters, and much like the new Cure and the new Morrissey, U2 have finally shaken their age off, and stepped it up in way of performance. I always felt that since "All That You Can't Leave Behind" the band was starting to sound middle aged, and anything they were doing from that point on, was a pursuit to have some element of surprise. They finally landed a record that has a sense of urgency again. Bono is singing the best he has sung in a long time. He is backed up by some over the top playing. Production wise, i cannot really complain. For what they aimed to do, the production is there.

The problem with this album, for me, is that in a time when U2 finally found their niche for writing simple songs again, they are trying on something completely new, and the songs just are not there.

There have always been changes going on in their career, and i loved every minute of it, until they got to 1997's Pop. They lost me there. Then, Bono lost his voice, and that was one of the greatest parts of the band. It took quite a while to get his voice back, and i dont think he was capable of carrying a tune again until "How To Dismantle...".

This record really reminds me of where the band was around the time of Pop, where the the elements were more reliant on electronics, and vocal experiments, and less of the soaring melodies, and soulfulness of the Edge's guitar playing. There are a few moments on this album, where we get classic U2, but for the most part, the songs are focused on getting away from classic U2, and having confidence in breaking new ground. You can tell that Brian Eno set out to help them do that too. It all sounds well and good, and it worked for bands like Coldplay, but the songs just aren't working here. Too much quirkiness in vocal ideas (Bono sorta talk singing over songs) There is too much "disco funk U2" here as well, again, ala Pop. I have always hated that element of U2, and this record is highly produced, electro-infused, party U2 again.

If your looking for "classic" U2, there are a couple of tracks to mention. There is only ONE song that sounds, truly, and undeniably U2, Achtung era, and its called "Magnificent" mark my words people, this is going to be a single. It is drenched with that U2 power we have come to love. The album opener "No Line On The Horizon", is the best example of the band "doing the new thing" but also keeping it interesting. There are several tracks though, that are slow moving and feel like they should break into something, but they never do. The last half of the album (again, like the new Cure) falls completely off, giving us songs that sound, literally, half written. I was not a fan of the single, Get On Your Boots, either. It had a few good ideas, but for the most part, it was just annoying and embarrassing, especially when Bono starts yelping "Let me hear the sound, let me hear the sound" over and over.

I dunno, it really sounds to me like an EP and a bunch of b-sides.

I know a lot of new U2 fans have come to the surface, since Vertigo. What i find funny about this album, i cannot imagine those fans liking this record. But, i cannot see many of the old fans liking it either. It will truly be interesting to see the audience response to this cd. I know there are people who are more interested in defending the music of U2, than being honest. There has got to be a number of people out there who think the last few records from U2 were the best. But, many more of us know that is CRAZY!!!

Much like movie remakes that swarm the theaters these days, you can take the stance of "Its ok to make them, if they are good, we will hold onto them and embrace them, if they suck...we still have the originals" I kinda take that stance with middle aged legends. If they suck, i still have the old records. If they are worth listening, than welcome back. At least i don't pay for music anymore, only to find out that it sucks. Ahh the beauty of downloading mp3s.

I for one, appreciate that U2 want to try to keep evolving, i just wish that they would hear what works, and hone in on that sound. An album of songs like the first 2 songs, would have made this a TRUE U2 album, not to argue with!!

2008 WRAP UP!

2008-12-31T16:49:00.000-05:00

Well, this year is done. I can remember exactly where i was one year ago today. I was sitting at a friends house, feeling typically sad about another year gone by. I was unhealthy, and I was excited about my resolutions. Pretty typical. Speaking of typical, I know I am often times a "glass is not only half empty, but the rest will be swallowed soon" type of guy. That said...this year sucked for the most part. Yeah, I had some good times, and i have things to be thankful for...but who doesn't eh? This year was not a good one. For starters, those "resolutions"...those dreams that should come true, in my timing....well...they didn't. None of them did. Now, that is not a surprise to me, considering that most years they never come true. But what makes this year so tough is that, I spent much of my time this year working on my resolutions, some of them anyway, and the results were less than flattering. Now that I spoke my mind on THAT...there are some new resolutions. But i don't think of them as resolutions, but rather a realization that changes need to be made, and they are life or death changes for me, and my wife. I am sitting here, on new years eve thinking about some big changes that need to be made. This year was a big pisser, and i don't want this next one to be that way. I have too much to offer myself and others, and I am letting my health, and my career failure hold me back. Im concerned about whats happening, and i want to change it. Will 2009 by my year? I won't even attempt an answer, but I am praying for direction, and strength. Alright, so now i will geek out and give you a top 10 of things i care about, in a geek way.

FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2008 -

Torche - Meanderthal

Melvins - Nude With Boots

The Cure - 4:13 Dream

Pattern Is Movement - All Together

The Residents - The Bunny Boy

Metallica - Death Magnetic

Starflyer 59 - Dial M

The Seventy Sevens - Holy Ghost Building

Meshuggah - Obzen

FAVORITE MOVIES OF 2008 (that i saw) -

The Dark Knight

Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull

Be Kind, Rewind

Tropic Thunder

Wall - E

Rambo

Cloverfield

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer

Hellboy II - The Golden Army

Poultrygeist - Night Of The Chicken Dead

Teeth

Step Brothers

(Haven't seen but worthy mentions: The Curious Case Of Ben Button, Doubt, Gran Torino, many more)

MY FAVORITE MOMENTS OF 2008:

Seeing Shudder To Think reunited, for the most part, and meeting Craig Wedren, who is one of the nicest guys on the earth.

Seeing the legendary prog-art rock band "The Residents" and of course, i didn't meet them, but i believe i spotted them getting out of their van. Oh, this band has been playing since the early 70s, but has kept their identities hidden. Love it!!!!

Finally watching Lost. Starting with disc 1 of season 1 and we are still going. I am a Lost purist, so im loving how, in order, things are being exposed. Great show!!!

Being mentored by a really influential artist, who helped me spiritually. This is huge to me. I would drop a name but then i would be a cheesy fan. It was a big part of my year. I wonder if he realizes this?

Meeting new Christian men and women, who are big thinkers. It is always amazing to find likeminded folk.

Seeing The Cure, again. Robert was close enough for me to throw an apple at him. Awesome!!!!

Reuniting with the best drummer I ever worked with, Rick Wise. Playing music again, ala TOTM days, working on Unteachers together, with a good friend Brian Shwein. And while I am on the subject...

Getting blessed with an awesome studio to play in, which is connected to meeting new Christian men to call my family.

Many great conversations, and fellowship with friends and family. Those small moments that are not big plans, make for bigtime joy.

Thanksgiving 2008, spent with friends, at our apartment. We watched Xmas movies, and ate some bird. It was relaxed and untraditional, which was the year for this. Untraditional!!!

Christmas 2008, one of the best in years. More time spent with friends, but we did have a lot of time with family too. We did small visits with many people, with some naps thrown in to keep things fresh. This was the first year where i was not awkwardly given gifts that were obligation (ala sports jersey, when i have never liked sports) also, my we made a lot of gifts this year, and they were the big pay off in blessings for others, because they were the most valuable.

Working on the Norris farm, and fixing up the place. Painting the house. They have blessed me financially, during a time when i was struggling with work. Working there is such a peaceful place, and the atmosphere and scenery is unreal.

Sara and I, going camping at the beach. It was a cheap trip but its simplicity made it so fun.

Seth and Jessie, getting engaged.

Steph and Kenny getting engaged.

David and Cristin had a baby boy, his name is Jacob. CUTE!!!!!

Melody had a baby girl. So cute, her name is Lola Mae. Congrats.

Marcy had a baby boy. So cute also, his name is Killian. Congrats.
and last, but not least....

Rick found love!!!!!!!!! Finally!!!!!!

There is much more to share, but im out of time.

Happy new year, and here is to big change in 2009!!!!

God bless you all

- Stephen

A great article by by Pastor John Piper on this election fiasco

2008-10-28T14:51:00.000-04:00

mom?

dad?

family?

friends?

are you reading this?

LET CHRISTIANS VOTE, AS THOUGH THEY WERE NOT VOTING

October 22, 2008, by John Piper

Voting is like marrying and crying and laughing and buying. We should do it, but only as if we were not doing it. That’s because “the present form of this world is passing away” and, in God’s eyes, “the time has grown very short.” Here’s the way Paul puts it:

The appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.
(1 Corinthians 7:29-31 )

Let’s take these one at a time and compare them to voting.

1. “Let those who have wives live as though they had none.”

This doesn’t mean move out of the house, don’t have sex, and don’t call her Honey. Earlier in this chapter Paul says, “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights” (1 Corinthians 7:3). He also says to love her the way Christ loved the church, leading and providing and protecting (Ephesians 5:25-30). It means this: Marriage is momentary. It’s over at death, and there is no marriage in the resurrection. Wives and husbands are second priorities, not first. Christ is first. Marriage is for making much of him.

It means: If she is exquisitely desirable, beware of desiring her more than Christ. And if she is deeply disappointing, beware of being hurt too much. This is temporary—only a brief lifetime. Then comes the never-disappointing life which is life indeed.

So it is with voting. We should do it. But only as if we were not doing it. Its outcomes do not give us the greatest joy when they go our way, and they do not demoralize us when they don’t. Political life is for making much of Christ whether the world falls apart or holds together.

2. “Let those who mourn [do so] as though they were not mourning.”

Christians mourn with real, deep, painful mourning, especially over losses—loss of those we love, loss of health, loss of a dream. These losses hurt. We cry when we are hurt. But we cry as though not crying. We mourn knowing we have not lost something so valuable we cannot rejoice in our mourning. Our losses do not incapacitate us. They do not blind us to the possibility of a fruitful future serving Christ. The Lord gives and takes away. But he remains blessed. And we remain hopeful in our mourning.

So it is with voting. There are losses. We mourn. But not as those who have no hope. We vote and we lose, or we vote and we win. In either case, we win or lose as if we were not winning or losing. Our expectations and frustrations are modest. The best this world can offer is short and small. The worst it can offer has been predicted in the book of Revelation. And no vote will hold it back. In the short run, Christians lose (Revelation 13:7). In the long run, we win (Revelation 21:4).

3. “Let those who rejoice [do so] as though they were not rejoicing.”

Christians rejoice in health (James 5:13) and in sickness (James 1:2). There are a thousand good and perfect things that come down from God that call forth the feeling of happiness. Beautiful weather. Good friends who want to spend time with us. Delicious food and someone to share it with. A successful plan. A person helped by our efforts.

But none of these good and beautiful things can satisfy our soul. Even the best cannot replace what we were made for, namely, the full experience of the risen Christ (John 17:24). Even fellowship with him here is not the final and best gift. There is more of him to have after we die (Philippians 1:21-23)—and even more after the resurrection. The best experiences here are foretastes. The best sights of glory are through a mirror dimly. The joy that rises from these previews does not and should not rise to the level of the hope of glory. These pleasures will one day be as though they were not. So we rejoice remembering this joy is a foretaste, and will be replaced by a vastly better joy.

So it is with voting. There are joys. The very act of voting is a joyful statement that we are not under a tyrant. And there may be happy victories. But the best government we get is a foreshadowing. Peace and justice are approximated now. They will be perfect when Christ comes. So our joy is modest. Our triumphs are short-lived—and shot through with imperfection. So we vote as though not voting.

4. “Let those who buy [do so] as though they had no goods.”

Let Christians keep on buying while this age lasts. Christianity is not withdrawal from business. We are involved, but as though not involved. Business simply does not have the weight in our hearts that it has for many. All our getting and all our having in this world is getting and having things that are not ultimately important. Our car, our house, our books, our computers, our heirlooms—we possess them with a loose grip. If they are taken away, we say that in a sense we did not have them. We are not here to possess. We are here to lay up treasures in heaven.

This world matters. But it is not ultimate. It is the stage for living in such a way to show that this world is not our God, but that Christ is our God. It is the stage for using the world to show that Christ is more precious than the world.

So it is with voting. We do not withdraw. We are involved—but as if not involved. Politics does not have ultimate weight for us. It is one more stage for acting out the truth that Christ, and not politics, is supreme.

5. “Let those who deal with the world [do so] as though they had no dealings with it.”

Christians should deal with the world. This world is here to be used. Dealt with. There is no avoiding it. Not to deal with it is to deal with it that way. Not to weed your garden is to cultivate a weedy garden. Not to wear a coat in Minnesota is to freeze—to deal with the cold that way. Not to stop when the light is red is to spend your money on fines or hospital bills and deal with the world that way. We must deal with the world.

But as we deal with it, we don’t give it our fullest attention. We don’t ascribe to the world the greatest status. There are unseen things that are vastly more precious than the world. We use the world without offering it our whole soul. We may work with all our might when dealing with the world, but the full passions of our heart will be attached to something higher—Godward purposes. We use the world, but not as an end in itself. It is a means. We deal with the world in order to make much of Christ.

So it is with voting. We deal with the system. We deal with the news. We deal with the candidates. We deal with the issues. But we deal with it all as if not dealing with it. It does not have our fullest attention. It is not the great thing in our lives. Christ is. And Christ will be ruling over his people with perfect supremacy no matter who is elected and no matter what government stands or falls. So we vote as though not voting.

By all means vote. But remember: “The world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever” (1 John 2:17).

Voting with you, as though not voting,

-Pastor John

Not sure what i am going to do, i still feel that my vote is important, and so important that I should NOT vote UNLESS i completely support the candidate. I do not support Obama fully, or McCain. So, im praying about my decision. I guess there is not a whole lot to be worried about though, when you think about what Pastor John is saying here.

THE CURE - 4:13 DREAM - review "ROBERT, YOUR OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT"!!!!!

2008-10-21T15:43:00.000-04:00

THE CURE - 4:13 DREAM

Welp, one of my favorite bands of all time is finally releasing a new record. I have a copy of it. I should be really excited about that. But im not. It pains me to say this, because this was the band that did no wrong, until 2004's self titled "The Cure" which had a lot of great songs, but had a few songs that i just felt didn't match up with the almight Cure song structure. I should be really excited because one of the shining moments of the Cure was when Porl Thompson was the guitarist (He played during the golden era 1985-1992ish) and he has returned to the band, and the band has returned to guitar heavy Cure. Still, Im not glowing with delight here. Well, ok, here is the absolute truth about this new Cure record...

There are 13 songs. The band is a 4 piece, and as i mentioned on a previous post reviewing their recent live show in Philly, the keyboard element is missing. 4 of the songs from the new record were released as singles, one per month, for four months. Each single has a b-side. 2 of the 4 singles are awesome. Most of the b-sides are awesome. Some of the b-sides are way better than the singles. If Mr. Smith would have taken some of the goofier tracks off of this record and put some of those b-sides in its place, this record would be awesome. But he didn't do that, he stubbornly gave us those goofy songs, and dammit, i have to complain about one of my favorite bands.

Its no surprise that Robert Smith has lost touch in some ways, and I guess (sigh) that is what happens when your a legendary artist who gets old but still wears make up. I mean, he has collaborated with some of this planet's worst top 40 artists. Im still waiting for him to write a single for Hanna Montana. But when it comes to The Cure, he always redeems himself. On 4:13 Dream, im not sure if this is vital and completely different song writing, and because i don't care about current music, im left out of the loop of cool, or if im right and Bob just picked some bad songs that are only cool to middle age british goth guys. Ok, back to the details.

Some of the songs sound like Disintegration/Wish era Cure, with huge gloomy guitar noise, compliments to Porl Thompson. In fact, Porl is one of the strong points on this record.His guitar playing is worlds better than anyone else in the past. His work on this record explodes with layers and layers of dark noisy rock. Just like Simon Gallup's bass work ruled supreme on Disintegration, Thompson's work here is vital in the success of 4:13 Dream. This record plays out like The Cure abandoned almost everything that made them specifically The Cure, and took some pointers from today's Indie rock scene. While other times, its clear that the band is just trying to take the best elements and just simplifying it all into really quick loud hard rock songs. One thing is for sure - The band is not interested in sadness this time around. This is the least gloomy, least melodramatic Cure record of all time, and it just might be the heaviest record for them too. Its really loud and upbeat and...current. The production on this record is really in right now, and i guess is good for The Cure trying to fit in, but definitely is new for the band. It lacks the layered production of Disintegration, or even more currently, Bloodflowers. Don't get me wrong though, this is a good album, not a great album, which im used to the band doing. This album starts out with a ton of momentum, and had i not heard any of the 4 singles first, it might have had a bigger impact on me. One thing im worried about with this record is some of what sells the album is Robert's vocals. There is a ton of production and effects on his voice. A lot of layering, a lot of sounds and well sung moments. I have a live version of this record too, and he doesn't have that element to lean on, so if im "just getting there" with this record, it would help if the band played it just as it is, live, but they do not because, like i said, the vocals are a big part of what i like about the new direction. Back in the day, The songs had so much going on, that we weren't so fixed on Robert's vocals being perfect, and they weren't but those songs, ooh baby, those songs were untouchable!!!!

Here is a track by track basic overview -

Underneath The Stars.

This opener sounds like a dryly recorded "plainsong" with the slow pace and epic guitar work. Too much vocal effects on this song. I think this song structure reminds me of "The last day of summer" from Bloodflowers.

The Only One.

is totally the typical Cure pop single of the album. This one reminds me of something from Wish.

Reasons Why.

this is a song that just sounds totally un-Cure. Its weird but its also really enjoyable. I lean toward this one for the Cure doing something different but in a good way.

Freakshow.

This song i hated live, but works way better on cd. I went from hating this song thinking it was one of the better ones on the record. It really is a fun song that reminds me of some of the "who cares lets have fun" of Wild Mood Swings. (And yes that record was amazing)

Sirensong.

One of the Porl shining tracks. Its got quirky atmospheric guitars, and lots of what sounds like pianos (Good boys, its ok, use em, you'll still be cool to the young folk) This song is a nice smooth break from the last 2 rockier songs.

The Real Snow White.

guitar heavy, bang your head Cure rock and roll, with a jangle of a chorus. This is another really clear example of the Cure breaking from any reminiscent trademark, but works well. This is also one of those songs where the vocals,and how they sound on this record, make the song stronger. Does it come off this good live?

Hungry Ghost.

Real up beat, popular sounding dance music type rock and roll here. This is the song you put on from this record when you want to shake what your momma gave you. Again, like the last song, its feel good music, but its not The Cure. Lots of vocal craziness. I love the guitar on this. I think this is the best part of the song, and Jason Cooper keeps the drum beat in that pocket, and keeps your head bopping. Did i mention, great guitars??

Switch.

This is reminiscent of "Wrong Number" which i dont care for. This song has the electro-drumming that is only still popular in London i think?!? Lots of Wah pedal, fast drumming. Im bored though.

Perfect Boy.

Another one of those singles that i would take a b-side over. That said, it is also one of the more Cure moments on the record, which might come as a relief to you if you like this song and your still getting used to the breaking from tradition. Its easy on the ears, but i find this song boring too.

This. Here And Now. With You.

This song is another that i enjoy. Its bubble gum pop Cure. It doesn't sound like it was from any of the other albums though, and definitely sounds current, like something maybe the Killers or Coldplay might do in some of their bubble gum moments. The chorus is what makes the song good.

Sleep When Im Dead.

They should have called this song "Sleep When I Listen" this song sucks bad. The only redeeming moment is the first 10 seconds, once it kicks in, its cheese. This belongs on that new Cure remix EP, with the other terrible ideas. B-sides, any of them, will fit here instead.

The Scream.

This song was almost there, but it goes nowhere to me. A confused mess of epic guitars, big bass, and drums and over the top wailing from the chief. It reminds me of epic songs like "Im Watching Me Fall" or "The Promise" (another song i didn't like too much), and it also reminds me, kind of, "Like Cockatoos" in the way that the song was quirky but went nowhere. Cool title though. Oh well.

It's Over.

Luckily, we are given a power house closer, which reminds me of "End" from Wish, where they just built a wall of sound and brought a heaviness to the song. This song starts out with one of those old school shining moments from Simon Gallup on bass. The song is almost riffing and drumming like a metal song. Then Porl takes the guitar into outer space. There is so much noise going on here, but luckily the band finally found a hook in it. Its really heavy. Probably the heaviest they ever sounded, but it is awesome. The song gets better and better, and doesn't wear out its welcome, and ends beautifully. No tricks, they just hit that last heavy chord and let it fade out. The end.

So, what we have here is The Cure starting over. Bringing a half way decent album to the forefront of their overwhelming and gloomy discography. I think this is the beginning of the end for The Cure being the kings of gothy gloomy pop, but luckily we still get stong performances out of the members. One thing to point out, and its a strength to the band. This record doesn't make the band sound tired.THIS IS NOT A TIRED RECORD, the opposite in fact. Its fresh for them. I just chose to take some of it and leave some of it.

It is the Cure record they would have made if they were just getting started!!!!

Tracklist:

(Highlight tracks - *)

*Underneath the Stars
*The Only One
*The Reasons Why
*Freakshow
*Sirensong
The Real Snow White
The Hungry Ghost
Switch
The Perfect Boy
*This. Here and Now. With You
Sleep When I’m Dead
The Scream
*It’s Over

And the cover art kicks ass!!!

SHUDDER TO THINK - LIVE AT THE TLA - 10/3/08 - WE FINALLY SAW THEM!!!!

2008-10-18T02:58:00.000-04:00

I have been a fan of Shudder To Think for many, many years. I first heard them in 1996. My punk rock perspective went right out the window. My first experience with this band was their legendary Dischord records album "Get Your Goat" and i have been an obsessed fan ever since, rapidly grapping everything that was available from them. A few posts ago, I did a huge band biography, and I encourage you guys to go back to that and read it if you haven't already, because it gives you a real understanding of the magic that is Shudder To Think. Considering that, I wil spare band history details.

During the band's height, I only had one chance to see them that was aware to me at the time, and the date landed on the same day my band was playing a show. This was 1997, when the band was touring with Pavement. Back then it was important to skip good shows to play your own. Who would have thought that they were on their way out eh? Man, have I regretted that decision on so many levels because in 1998, Shudder To Think broke up, and I missed them. Fast forward a decade. I was in and out of bands. Managed to put together a pretty successful one, one that was filled with influence from this amazing band, a band i would never see again. That is, until the fateful day I heard that most of the guys from the last album's line up were reuniting for a short tour with a few select dates, and one of those very few dates was actually around here!!!! I stopped breathing!!!

So, my wife Sara and I, along with our good friend Rick (who shares with me, the sad history of gigging and missing STT) went to Philly for the day to see the sights of South Street, and maybe get a glimpse of the band early on. A few hours before the show, we walked past the TLA (Theater Of Living Arts) where the band was going to play, and actually heard them doing a sound check, hearing the 2nd half of the song "Love Catastrophe"! We were going nuts. It was so exciting to hear it through the door. Later on, we managed to spot Nathan Larson, who actually walked right past us, about 1 hour before show time. We were nervous (I know, its silly) so we didn't approach him. We decided to just stand in the front of the TLA and just wait for the doors to open. Suddenly Craig Wedren walked right past us and went right into the venue. Rick and I were pointing to each other in blame saying "You should have said something" again, very silly. Finally Craig came back outside and Rick walked up to him to start a conversation. We quickly followed. Craig was easily the friendliest rock star I EVER met. Completely humble, cordial, down to earth, and incredibly easy to talk to. He spoke to us with enthusiasm and really seemed to care about what we were saying to him. He asked us questions about music, and what were do, where we are from, etc, etc. It was really a great experience. So many times I have admired artists and have gained so much inspiration in what they do or have done. And then you meet your "heroes" and they end up making you feel like crap. In this case, it was completely the opposite. He talked roller derby with my wife, and seemed interested when we answered his question of "Do you guys make music?" My only regret was not getting my Ten Spot LP autographed. I had it in my bag, but was too into the conversation to pull out the autograph stuff.

We did, however, manage to get some pictures together.

So, anyway, onto the show. There is this amazing band from Philly called Pattern Is Movement. They opened for STT. This band is crazy. They looked like 2 chubby lumberjacks who played this free form style drum/organ insanity. I really can't describe this band to you at all but HIGHLY recommend it. The vocals were awesome too. The guy sang like he was in church. It was just an odd mix and I was so excited watching these 2 guys.

Once Shudder To Think took the stage, our nostalgia meter went into the red. The band sounded amazing. The original bassist Stuart Hill was missing in action, which i will admit put a damper on this for me. That said, the addition of Mark Watrous on 2nd guitar, and Jesse Krakow on bass sounded amazing. Im not sure who these 2 dudes are, but they filled out the sound perfectly. Nathan Larson wailed as usual, and Craig sang his ass off, as well as playing a 3rd guitar on stage. Kevin March, who played in the band on the band's final album was the drummer of the evening, and in my opinion was the only "not so great" part of the band's line up. Guys, give us Adam Wade, he kicked so much ass on Pony Express Record. Anyway, there was plenty of the punk energy from the early days, but at the same time this IS 2008 and the band knew this was a "greatest hits" concert. And in saying that, they played EVERYTHING i needed to hear. There are certain songs from the bands discography that I felt was imperative to play, and they didn't miss one from my list of absolutes. Sara wanted to hear Red House,which I knew they were going to play. Oddly enough they opened with it.The show lasted about an hour and a half give or take, and we all sang along to every song. The band was clearly having a lot of fun, and the crowd seemed to be waiting as long as I was to sing along too. The experience was honestly, surreal. What else can I say? I got what i wanted.

Nathan Larson in full rock action

All in all, we got to experience a moment we thought was long gone, and we felt like we were 10 years younger. We finally got to hear those guys live, even if it was only most of them. Sure, it didn't feel like a rebirth, but it certainly was a tight loud set of some of the most important music we ever had in the punk rock/alternative scene. And who knows, maybe this new incarnation of Shudder To Think will prove to the world they can still ride that sexy horse!!

SETLIST:

Red House

Shake Your Halo Down

Hit Liquor

Love Catastrophe

Lies About The Sky

Jade Dust Eyes

The Man Who Rolls

Gang Of $

She Wears He Harem

Rag

Pebbles

9 Fingers On You

No Rm.9,Kentucky

Call Of The Playground

Chocolate

X-French Tee Shirt

About Three Dreams

The Ballad Of Maxwell Demon

Day Ditty

METALLICA - DEATH MAGNETIC - The "Disposable heroes" show us how to kill em' all...again!!!

2008-09-06T11:43:00.000-04:00

After the embarrassment that was "St. Anger" and the big screen look at the band tripping over themselves, strangely titled "Some King Of Monster", i watched the one time metal heros fall apart. I really could not understand how a band of this magnitude could or would release an album that had so many flaws. Even records like Load and Reload, although changing drastically in sound, had great production, and great performances by all. Losing Jason Newsted no doubt had its effect, sure, and then of course we have James Hetfield's long bout with rehab, that seemed in the movie anyway, to take his balls away. Understandably, he needed to get the help and we are all glad he is clean and sober (Well I am) and honestly, no band, not even Metallica is worth doing, if

1. You have to be a junkie.

2. You get clean, and then you lose your ability to kick ass, musically.

So, St. Anger comes out, I guess it does somewhat well, but nobody wants to say the obvious...Metallica sounds tired, uninspired, and desperate to fit in with bands like Korn and the rest of the Nu-metal piss ants of current hard rock radio.

Now, after a few long years, the band announced a new album. The rumor is that Rick Rubin is producing it, and that the band pulled a ton of riffs out for this. Rumor also had stated that the band was going back to classic Metallica sound. Yeah right, im not falling for it again!!!

Then, I heard the new album in its entirety. Yeah thats right Metallica, I "downloaded it"

And I could not believe what i heard!!!!

METALLICA - DEATH MAGNETIC

Here, in 2008, nearly 30 years after their emergence, Metallica delivers one of the BEST records of their entire career!!! Not only are the rumors true, but the album gave way to so much more than I had originally suspected. Gone are the annoying whinings of "St. Anger", gone is the annoying snare drum. Gone is the nu-metal "need to be current" on this record Metallica goes back to what they do best...fast paced, heavy as hell, old school speed metal/rock. Songs clock in at the 7 or 8 minute range. There is tons of progressive moments, ala the first 4 albums. There is even a third "Unforgiven"!! Rick Rubin clearly put some sort of ass whooping on this project for sure, I am so glad that this band will bounce back, and yes they will most certainly with this record. Like U2, no other band has had this long of a career, went #1, fell back down to earth, got old, and still managed to climb back up. This record is going to do great things for Metallica, no doubt!!! The production and the performances on this record bring to mind the band "Mastodon". Sonically, the guitar and bass have a classic sludgy tone to them, but the playing is fast and thrashy. It is funny how when a band of this caliber just sticks to what they do best, and with the right production, they can sound, not only modern, but urgent, even with the indie rock stuff that rules airwaves. Farewell Bob Rock!!!!There are plenty of Kill em' all style moments. Once and a while it sounds a bit like Black album. Musically, this album fits snug in between ...And Justice For All, and Black album. Maybe even the record to follow Black. I don't know, and i don't care, it just kicks so much ass.

One thing i HAVE to mention, is the turn around performance of James Hetfield. Vocally, his voice has not sounded this good since Black album. His melodies on this record are soaring. He has got that gruff of his youth back too, and the great thing is it sounds naturally, almost like he tried not to sing good in the past 10 years of albums. Weird, but I am proud to say, James is the highlight of this record, where I felt he was the flaw of the last record!!!!!

Hands down BEST Metallica record since 1991, and I am so not exaggerating here.

Metallica (2008)

Lars, who still hasn't learned how not to look like a douche!!

Track list:

1. That Was Just Your Life

2. The End Of The Line

3. Broken, Beat & Scarred

4. The Day That Never Comes

5. All Nightmare Long

6. Cyanide

7. The Unforgiven III

8. The Judas Kiss

9. Suicide & Redemption

10. My Apocalypse

Introducing, Christian Guitar Hero!!!

2008-09-02T00:28:00.001-04:00

GUITAR HERO, FOR CHRISTIAN ROCK?

Everyone, and their mother is expecting me to crap all over this game. I mean almost everything about this is cheesy at first glance, from the name "Guitar Praise", as if Christians couldn't afford to sound less stuck in their own Christian marketing, and what about the fact that, to me, 75% of the songs on the game suck? Yes, i get it. We can laugh at how Christians always have to have "the counter act" to pop culture. That said though, I am finding it hard to get angry over this. Truth is, in a perfect world anybody who grows up listening to Christian music, would like some of their faves, mixed in with the mainstream radio picks of "Guitar Hero" and we know, that company sure as hell is not going to acknowledge bands like, The Crucified, Petra, and Whitecross. But "Guitar Praise" did just that, and, wow...who would have thought that there would be a day I would be playing a modern video game, in the vein of "GH" to some of the old songs, that even Christians do not even acknowledge. Im talking the 70s and 80s here!!! That alone, made me excited about this. I honestly was shocked!!!

The pros, and cons go like this...

PROS:

-There are, although a small number, selections from classic 70s and 80s Christian rock. The addition of "The Pit" by the hardcore pioneers "The Crucified" was a welcome addition. Wow!! Big THANKS for that choice!!!!

-Somebody thought about the Christian kids at home, who don't identify with "GH" songs, and gave them something to do, and for those Christians who were born in 1990, the songs on this game, for the most part, will suffice.

CONS:

-The game has FAR TOO LITTLE classics. My only hope is that they create in the soon future, a specific "classic Christian rock" version, so us 30+ guys and gals can enjoy ourselves too.It just seems like they tried to keep it to modern Christian rock, and putting in the 4 or 5 classics kind of makes them stick out more, which would not happen if it was an equal pull from the setlist.

- In typical Christian market fashion, everything is strictly sold separately. This means, you can't play this game on a Wii, or PS3, even though so many people have them, this game only works on certain computers. Surprisingly they made it work for apple users, wow!

So, it is a good start, I just hope they realize that, "GH" has mostly old songs on it, and that would make this more interesting. Perhaps its just the beginning but it would not hurt to use this product to boast some of the old classics that we had. We can't forget Larry Norman, Stryper, Daniel Amos, The 77s, Steve Taylor, etc, etc. Bands like Barren Cross, Tourniquet, Scaterd Few, and Deliverance, who saw a lot of mainstream success in their day should not be forgotten. Starting with the upcoming documentary on Christian rock entitled "Bleed Into One", I hope that more praise for the classics are sung!!

The snobs of the main stream will no doubt laugh at this little invention, and to some degree, im laughing too, but only on the outside!!!

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO

Snapper Soup, Pt. 1

2008-08-31T00:50:00.000-04:00

So, I know a certain member of my family really enjoys making soup out of snapping turtles. I know, it sounds disgusting, but he swares that it taste great.

So, Sara's grandmom lives off of a small lake. Or is it a big pond? Either way, this body of water seems to have very little fish in it. I blame the snapping turtles! So i decided that it was time to get some of them out of the water.

Soups on!!!

So i hammered some tent stakes into the ground, 4 stakes, 1 per side. I then tied to those stakes, small nylon rope, which i extended out to the middle of the lake. allowing slack to sink down, and drift around. At the end of these ropes, i tied metal leaders, followed by very large fish hooks. I then tied an empty gallon container to each rope, to use as bobbers/markers.

On the fish hooks, i used chicken gizzards/hearts and tossed them in the water. I left the "traps" in the water for 24 hours. When i came back, i checked each trap. The first trap was destroyed. The metal leader was broken in 2. I could not believe this, and it led me to believe there is something bigger than a 30 lb. turtle in the water. The second trap's leader clip that holds the hook was literally bent open, and the hook was gone, assuming in the turtle's stomach to stay. What a bummer, eh? So I float on over to the third trap. I already rule this out. The gallon was lying about 3 feet from the lake bank. As i got closer i noticed a bubble of air that came up to the surface. It got me thinking. As i pulled up the line, i had a very large turtle at the end of it. YES, success! Of course, the fourth and final trap was empty as well, but in tact, with the bait missing in action. Now the hunt is on for the big one. The one that destroyed very strong cables.

Does anyone have a good tip?

DITC!

2008-08-16T12:44:00.000-04:00

Take heed to my reproof

Don't reject me because Im young.

We're here for Yahweh's glory

and to magnify his son.

Hang on get ready

We're heading for Armageddon.

Prophetic Unfolding

We need to work together.

Division in the church

Is really getting bad

Don't crucify the media

Some "born again" had

to make the news we've had.

The spirit's moving

too afraid to act upon it

stop the confusion

sacrifice your prideful lust

Get to work

- words by Allan Aguirre (performed by Scaterd Few)

The crazy thing is, the very person who penned these legendary lyrics, briefly mentored me, and got me into church after over a decade being away! Amazing how God works!!

THE DARK KNIGHT (Why so serious? I will tell you!!!) & my beach trip recap!

2008-07-21T13:01:00.000-04:00

First off...shut up shut up shut up!!!!

This movie, and these characters are NOT to be compared to Tim Burton's work on the batman series. I mean, come on!!! Were you even alive when 1989's Batman hit the big screen? It was as big of a movie as this year's Dark Knight! You could not go ANYWHERE without seeing that damn yellow and black batman logo, and the hype over Jack Nickolson, one of the worlds most prestine actors, stepping in such a daring role, and portraying the greatest comic bad guy, it was a perfect marriage!!!! And, remember how bad ass Jack was? Just when your sides hurt from his on screen antics, he turned downright malicious and evil. While Christopher Nolan created a brand new Batman, with more realism, and more human character (Which i appreciate immensely) Lets not forget that Tim Burton achieved the same success, that is, making a highly visual, very dark, very serious Batman, that only now, after hundreds of terrible attempts at comic book movie thrills, has met its match!!!!

The Spiderman series...looks like shit. Too much cgi. No realism. The pace of those movies is too slow, and there is too much story telling. There have been so many hyped movies, that ended up being so-so. Even the new Indie film, i loved it but i also knew it didn't come close to those old classics...

Jack Nickolson...he did an amazing job guys, and you have to leave that alone. He killed as many people as Heath's joker, maybe more, considering his attempt at mass genocide at the end of Batman (1989) and I loose myself, in an attempt to compare 2008 Joker greatness with Jack Nickolson. Both Jokers had us laughing, but had us scared at the unpredictability of what they would do next. Batman (1989) is a, gothic, dark, nihilistic COMIC BOOK CLASSIC, and Jack Nickolson, stole the movie, and did the BEST comic book bad ass for, literally almost 20 years. He has constantly been held in the highest order of on screen performances in all those years, and everytime we see an "ok" comic book movie we have Batman(1989) in the back of our minds. You all know its true!!!! For the times, it was untouchable.

all this to say...

Heath Ledger as the Joker

WHO THE HELL SAW THIS COMING???

In 2008, im proud to announce the winner for BEST super-hero movie EVER MADE!

THE DARK KNIGHT!

I do not have to say this, because just like 1989, you cannot go anywhere without hearing about the performance the late great Heath Ledger gave in this movie. He is literally stunning. This joker, like Jack in 1989, is a product of the times, and todays times are not very pretty. What I failed to believe in, was the possibility of a super hero movie that was good, let alone managed to remind us that there is still plenty of surprise elements unexplored. There is not a single scene in this movie that is skippable. The movie is about a half hour longer than "Batman Begins" but flows much quicker than that. Where Batman Begins failed, this movie took control. I loved Batman Begins, but felt it was too much story, not enough action, and certainly not enough Scarecrow. This movie is the total opposite. Tons of action. Tons of on screen insanity. Heath Ledger stole the movie. Hands down. His Joker will blow your mind. There are moments in this movie where I could not believe what I was seeing. He acted so well, i can only compare it to the greatness of Anthony Hopkins, in "Silence Of The Lambs". His charisma onscreen is so strong, you do not even realize its Heath Ledger. As much as i do not care about awards, I know, this one is going to give Heath an oscar!!!! Too bad he is not here to receive it.

Christian Bale was awesome too. He brings such a believable element to batman. There is a lot of story going on with him still, in this one, but its important to whatever sequel is next. Aaron Eckhart was awesome too. He plays Harvey Dent/Two face. His performance was really fun to watch as well, and really the entire cast is stellar. The action seems more violent. I am really surprised this film was able to get away with PG-13!!! Weird, it seemed so much more R rated than that.

Jack Nickolson as the Joker from Batman (1989)

Understand that I can give away nothing about this movie. As much as i want to type away, line after line, of the quotes or sequences in this movie, you just have to experience it the way i did (twice)! You really have to let it sink in. There is a lot of weight to this script, and you won't grasp it fully with one view. This movie has a lot to take from and I suggest more than one view. My 2nd view of the movie, I caught on to much foreshadowing and things that I didn't even realize was there the first time. While everyone in this film is amazing, once more I really have to give a shout out to Heath Ledger. Dammit man, why are you not with us to enjoy the fruits of your labor??? Its a tragedy, and while watching the movie you cant help but feel sick about it. Heath's performance stands alone and deserves all of the attention he gets for it. Not because he is dead, but because he just delivered an on screen bad guy that I highly doubt we will see replaced ANY time soon!!!!

Ok...so...that said...

My wife and I went on vacation. Nothing crazy, just a few days at the beach. We had a great time. Odd thing, the weather was perfect 100% of the time, something I am not really used to. We drove down wednesday morning, took the wrong road in, and ended up nowhere near the beach, instead we ended up in Baltimore MD. Once we got situated, we finally arrived in Rehoboth Beach, DE. We decided to keep cost down, and camp out. We got ourselves a tent, and borrowed an external air conditioner from my dad. We found a great place just 2 miles north of the beach. Big Oaks campground

Big Oaks, had electric and water tent sites for only $38 a night. Since we are not typical campers, the addition of tv and dvd player, as well as an air bed and a/c "kind of" made it like a cheap hotel room. So, we slept comfortably during the nights, and during the days the temperature went to the high 80s, with low humidity....perfect! The facilities was really clean. Located in woods, so you kind of felt like you were in the mountains, and not 2 miles from the Atlantic ocean. The shower/bathroom houses were really awesome. Very private showers, that were single rooms. They had a cabin quality to them. Picture a single room with cabin wood surrounding you, no windows, just a fan and a light, and of course the shower. A lock on the door, hooks to hang your stuff. Very clean. The water was really hot if you wanted it to be, so it was just a really comfortable shower. The bathroom stalls were like normal public stalls, only the doors that closed you in were like real wooden full doors that went all the way to the ground. They were also very clean. The camp store, which we didn't use was really nice too. We did not spend much time there as you might already know, since we did plan on being beach bums.

DAY ONE:

(wednesday)

We got down there around 1 or 2 PM. We set up camp. Around 4:30, maybe 5, we decided to drive into town and get to know the area a little more and see where everything was. We drove south, along the beach, into Delaware Seashore State Park. We pulled into one of the fishing inlets, and sat on the beach for about an hour. Than we came back to the camp site and cooked some coconut style chicken over an open fire, followed by smores. Mmm. Than we closed up shop, got showers, and watched some of LOST season 2 before bed.

DAY TWO:

(thursday)

We woke up around 10 AM. Got dressed, packed some coolers, towels, and an umbrella, and headed for the beach. We decided to go to a spot in the state park, where Sara used to go when she was a kid, by these 2 towers. Not sure the name of the inlet. We payed $8 for a day pass, which included parking. Not bad. There were bath houses, a snack bar,etc. Not that I cared, because our plan for this day was to sit on the beach, end of story. So we set ourselves up in a nice spot. Sat and read, while a great summer beach mix I made on the ipod was playing out of these 2 little portable speakers we picked up. It was perfect volume too. After a few hours, we went swimming. Funny story...we were in the water, and we watched a life guard paddling out with one of his floating devices, straight out into the sea. He was roughly a quarter mile out, give or take. My mind started playing with me. I began saying to Sara "that guy is nuts, he is gonna get eaten by a shark" and i just stared and watched. Suddenly, a hundred feet closer to the beach than the lifeguard, emerging from the water, was a large fin. I started flipping out. "I sware im not crazy, i saw it, i saw a big fin, there is a freaking shark out there, he is going to die" then, suddenly, I saw the lifeguard flip off of his board, and then quickly got back on. I thought "Oh lord, this is horrible news" but we saw nothing else. Knowing that i definitely saw a fin, i just stared for a few minutes, while the lifeguard was coming back in. Then I realized that, a hundred feet or so, to the right, was a bunch of dolphins, swimming and jumping. I thought to myself "It just haaaaaaaad to happen that way didn't it..I just had to see that fin like that, didnt i"?

After a few more hours (and a cat nap) on the beach, it was dinner time. What a beautiful time that was. We packed up, went to Grotto Pizza for dinner, went back to the camp, got clean, watched more Lost, and went to bed.

A picture i took of Rehoboth Beach.

DAY THREE:

(friday)

We decided that since the new Batman movie was opening, we would make friday a kind of, date day. We got up, ate cereal. We drove to Ocean City, MD. Caught the 1PM showtime of "The Dark Knight" then we drove back to Rehoboth. We went to The Lighthouse restaurant, where Sara ate a TON of snow crab legs. I had ribs and chicken. We were so full. After our early dinner, we headed over to the board walk. This was normally stressful, but since this vacation was working to our advantage the entire time, we actually found parking only a short distance from the board walk, where everybody tries to park, but never finds a spot. We paid the meter, and walked up to the beach. We decided to sit on the beach for a while and let the dinner settle. We laid there for a while, falling asleep. I awoke to a bunch of people on the beach yelling "Whoooooaaaaaa" and I jumped up to see that the high tide wave was about 3 feet from us and quickly pacing toward us. It was funny. The waves and water were several feet from us but as we slept for a quick 20 minutes, the water managed to reach us. After our quick wake up call, we moved back and sat some more, watching these stupid girls in bikinis, getting photography done "sports illustrated" straddling the surf board all sexy like. It was a joke. Sara and I made fun of them all. Finally we went back up to the board walk, and walked around for a while. We went into Rehoboth's infamous haunted mansion ride (tradition), and did the bumper cars. After that, we just walked around a bit more, and got some desert. Sara got really good ice cream from "The Ice Cream Store", which is that place with the crazy flavors, etc. I got a fresh peach smoothie. Mmm. After the boardwalk, we went back to camp, got clean and watched "The Royal Tenenbaums".

DAY FOUR:

(saturday)

Nothing crazy here. It was check out day, so we woke up at 9:30, and tore down camp. We got packed and ready to check out around 11. We checked out at the office, and went to Burger King for lunch. After that, we went over to the Candy Kitchen, got our usual order of salt water taffy, and some gummi sharks/cola bottles. The taffy was for Sara's grandmother, aunt, and her brothers and sisters.

The gummi sharks, and gummi cola bottles....all ours!!!

After that, we pretty much decided it was time to go home, but something felt wrong. We scratched our heads a bit. Suddenly we realized what it was...we needed to see the beach one last time. We drove back to the same place we were the night before. I was kind of half interested because I knew that with the weekend traffic, we DEFINITELY would not get a parking spot. We drove up to the board walk anyway, and crazily enough, we found a spot in the very front, but it was half our only parking. Since we were just coming up for a quick visit anyway, it was perfect. Then as we were paying the meter, we realized it was broken. We asked the nearby meter patrol what was wrong. They said "Ah go ahead, we will just fix it at some point and throw a few quarters in for you". So our last bit of trip was still working to our advantage, and now since nobody could pay, we could stay longer. So we hung out for a bit, until we had enough, and that was that. We drove home, and arrived around 4:30PM

and still had time to hang out with Desiree and Justin and grill some burgers.

My favorite highlight was that I got to spend a week with my wife, undistracted, and we had a blast! Kept the cost down real low, and managed to never touch our bank savings!!!

What a great week, eh?

SHUDDER TO THINK (A brief history/Record guide)

2008-07-09T17:29:00.000-04:00

From L to R: Chris Matthews, Stuart Hill, Craig Wedren, Mike Russell

When Seth called me and told me, several months ago, that one of my all time favorite art rock bands of all time, Shudder To Think, was getting back together to play Virgin Mobile Fest, I almost fainted. You see, I never got to see STT live, although I was listening to them for several years. There is no way to explain what this band did for me, during the years I listened to punk and hardcore religiously. With every record came big changes in the sound and direction. They continued to get weirder, and weirder, and better and better. They were mysteriously, and dramaticly sung, overwhelmingly creative and most of all, absolutely beautiful. Never before has a band sounded like this, and never again will anybody come close to competing with these alt-rock legends. Since that phone call I received, the band has released select dates for upcoming concerts, putting all rumors to rest...a decade after their untimely demise...they are back in 2008!

but lets step back...

While residing in the southern MD area, Shudder To Think, first released their debut 7" "It Was Arson" in 1988 on Sammich Records, as well as their excellent debut album "Curses, Spells, Voodoo, Mooses" in 1989. The band consisted then, of Craig Wedren (Vocals, guitars), Stuart Hill (bass) Chris Matthews (Guitar) and Mike Russell (drums).

After a short time of playing, they quickly gathered a modest following. This led to the band signing to the legendary Dischord Records (Fugazi, Jawbox,Minor Threat,Etc.) where they released the records Ten Spot (1990), Funeral At The Movies (1991), and Get Your Goat (1992).

By this point, the band was blowing away audiences with their mix of hardcore punk, glam and avant-garde. They were playing everywhere. They were considered "the next big thing". Sadly, Chris and Mike left the band. Soon after, they were replaced by Nathan Larson (guitar) and Adam Wade (who had just quit Jawbox, to drum for STT)!!

In 1992, with the run away success of Nirvana, the music industry was signing all sorts of weird cool bands, so...

In 1993, Epic Records signs Shudder To Think.

From L to R: Nathan Larson, Adam Wade, Craig Wedren, Stuart Hill

In 1993, STT began work on what would become one of alternative music's most cherished albums of all time...

"Pony Express Album"

Moving away from the quick quirky pop hooks of the Dischord records albums, the band found themselves turning out very prog-rock type songs. The songs on PER would be slower, heavier, weirder, and much more layered than anything the band did up to this point. At the time,the record did not due "major label expectations" as far as sales, but the band was seen opening for everybody, including Foo Fighters,Smashing Pumpkins, Built To Spill, Pearl Jam, to name a few. Also with this record, the band was found on Mtv, and appeared on 120 Minutes. It was around this time that Craig Wedren started to feel ill. In 1996, Craig Wedren was fighting cancer. Thankfully, he won the battle, but by this time, Adam Wade had left the band.

In 1997, the band released their last studio album entitled 50,000 B.C.

50,000 B.C. went down in history as THEE most overlooked album ever! It was a tough transition for the band, knowing that they had to break off from PER's sound. Sadly, the record seemed to loose fans of both the old catchy stuff, and the weird newer stuff, because this was a completely different sound for the band. Very cleaned up and very straight laced. Probably the most lush sounding "melody fest" anyone will ever hear. Shortly before breaking up, the band recorded some soundtracks for some indie films, like 1998's "High Art" and 1999's "First Love Last Rights".

Shudder To Think, in a press photo for 50,000 B.C.

But, as I said in the beginning...

Shudder To Think is touring this year.

(Minus Stuart Hill...dammit)

MAKE SURE YOU SEE THEM!!!!

Tour Dates:

8/10, Baltimore, MD (Virgin Mobile Fest)
9/5, Chicago, IL (Park West)
9/6, Toronto, ONT (V Fest)
10/3, Philadelphia, PA (Theater of the Living Arts)
10/4, New York, NY (Webster Hall)
10/11, Boston, MA (Paradise)
10/25, New Orleans, LA (Voodoo Music Festival)
11/1, Los Angeles, CA (El Rey)
11/2, San Francisco, CA (The Fillmore)

and finally...a guide to the music of Shudder To Think.

(Note: this overview only includes studio albums, click the album titles,for more info.)

Curses, Spells, Voodoo, Mooses

(1989 - Sammich)

Easily one of the best records from the band. This record did not exist on cd, until a few years ago. The album is remastered, and sounds amazing. Additionally, those responsible for the re-release got smart and added a remastered version of the debut 7" "It Was Arson"!

The songs are pretty straight forward punk energy. Craig sounds a little bit like Ozzy, during Black Sabbath, with a hint of Robin Zander.

The songs are really odd, and really fun to sing along to.

Highlights:

A Vampire's Proposal

Abysmal Yellow Popcorn Wall

Take The Child

I Grow Cold

Ten Spot

(1990 - Dischord)

This record finds the band experimenting and breaking off from the straight playing of the first album. This record is on LP, but it is hard to find. I recently found it in perfect shape on ebay for real cheap though, so who knows. You can find this record and Funeral At The Movies on one cd,and this is my favorite of those 2. They both need to be remastered. Catchy songs, noisy guitar. Craig wailing like a banshee.

Highlights:

Heaven Here

Jade Dust Eyes

Rag

About Three Dreams

Corner Of My Eye

Funeral At The Movies

(1991 - Dischord)

This record is very short, but it is still AMAZING. This is definitely showcasing what would eventually become one of my favorites from them, "Get Your Goat". The album starts out really catchy. Really fun. An amazing cover of Jimi Hendrix "Crosstown Traffic" and the debut of the classic well known song "Red House" that would be re-recorded and become a single on the last album. The album ends with a very strange noisy poem reading type song. Very cool.

Highlights:

Chocolate

Lies About The Sky

Day Ditty

Get Your Goat

(1992 - Dischord)

In my humble opinion, this, and the next album, are the pinnacle of what Shudder To Think were. This record perfectly blends the punk energy of the earlier albums, with more progressive elements. Strange acoustic guitar parts. Really diverse playing. Craig's vocals are unbelievable!!!!! This is a perfect album, and there is nothing wrong with it. Somtimes it reminds me of old REM, or The Smiths, but it is so much better than those 2 examples, yes i said it!!!!

One of the best albums of all time, and to boot? Dischord remastered it and it sounds amazing!!!!

Highlights:

The entire record!!!!

Pony Express Record

(1994 - Epic)

Where the hell do I even begin? It is 2008. This record is officially 14 years old, and I still get chills, and tears.

The members were young teenagers when they did this album, and I must ask myself, how the hell does somebody write this and perform this, so well, that young? This is the peak of Shudder To Think. This record shows that they are timeless. This record will NEVER fail anybody, and will always impress. Prog rock guitar. An additional element of blues, and metal. Adam Wade's drumming is really beefed up and hits your gut. Craig goes from sexy to creepy,and it is all so overwhelming and fun. Nathan Larson....is just a bad ass here. Stuart's bass work is amazing too. The bass line on Hit Liquer....unreal. This is a perfect album as well. Listen to it over and over until it sinks in, and then, it will never let you go.

Highlights:

The entire album

50,000 B.C.

(1997 - Epic)

When I bought this album back in 97, I was confused. All I knew was that STT was a hardcore band, that recently blew everybody away with this slower heavier album. I took a look at the cover, with Craig's debut of baldness. They were a 3 piece. They started dressing in really loud outfits. This took some adjusting. The production of the album is really clean, and produced. The songs are really catchy again, but this time in a more commercial way, and not such a weird punk way. With this record the band seems to have flipped the bird to everyone it seems. Kinda like "Fuck you all, we will rock and you will take notice" perhaps some of the lashing over PER made them feel they had to make a record with this much "I don't care what they say" attitude. Personally, after adjusting to the album, I fell in love with it. I always accepted this as STT, but I knew it might not have given them the strength they needed then.

But who the hell cares? The record rocks. The songs are so unbelievably catchy, and for the first time in any of their albums, they prove they can be compared side by side,with their influences. They were not just a weird band now. They were a serious rock band, with one hell of a lead singer. If there is any album that I would suggest people giving more time, even over PER, it would be this one. Funny thing is, now, people tend to lean toward this record, even against the classic STT, when I show it all off. Weird. I guess its true...

Shudder To Think was smarter and more ahead of all of us.

Highlights:

Call Of The Playground

Red House

Beauty Strike

The Saddest Day Of My Life

All Eyes Are Different

You're Gonna Look Fine, Love

First Love Last Rights

(1999 Epic)

Even though this record is not a "album" per say, it is still really amazing. With this album, STT wrote songs that were supposed to remind you of old music you have heard before. There is almost a familiarity about it. There are tons of awesome special guests here, like the late Jeff Buckley, Billy Corgan, Robin Zander, and Liz Phair. I

heard Buckley, in an interview say that "STT makes more beautiful music than I do" or something to that effect. I would have to agree!

Highlights:

I Want Someone Badly (W/ Jeff Buckley)

Diamonds, Sparks & All

When I Was Born, I Was Bored (W/ Billy Corgan)

Appalachian Lullaby (W/ Nina Persson)

Automatic Soup (W/ Robin Zander)

Lonesome Dove

The Wedding Is Over (W/ Lena Karlsson)

Just Really Wanna See You (W/ Mimi Parker & Alan Sparhawk)

SHUDDER TO THINK ON MYSPACE

PETER MURPHY - THE RETROSPECTIVE TOUR - MY REVIEW!

2008-07-07T17:45:00.000-04:00

PETER MURPHY - RETROSPECTIVE TOUR 2008

w/ Special guest Ali Eskandarian

Live @ The Trocadero Theater, Philadelphia, PA

Sunday, June 29th, 2008

It took me a little longer than I had hoped to bring you this story of my time in Philadelphia with my good pal Rick, and one of our favorite artists of all time...Peter Murphy (Bauhaus/Dali's Car/etc.)

And the reason for that, is simple. I could not find a listing of the set list. Instead I took a risk and shared what seems, based on the other concert set lists on this tour, and my sometimes fantastic memory, the right list of songs Peter played that night.

So, Rick and I headed down to Philadelphia to catch the show. We were not sure how a sunday night show featuring a legendary singer would be as far as audience attendance. Luckily for us, the place was dead when we went in. We made our way to the balcony section, thinking we wanted to sit and enjoy the show. Sure enough, the attendance grew with the time, and became a modest sunday night crowd, just before the first performer came onstage. The opener at this show was a singer by the name of Ali Eskandarian. I hated this guy's show. I don't normally blog about the bands I do not care for, but this guy was asking for it. Rick and I wanted to find this guy after his show and just beat his face in. Him, and that idiot sitting there, dressed like he was in the middle of a blizzard, pushing buttons, making monotonous drum sounds and drinking beer.

Ali, impressing absolutely nobody.

Ali came out, dancing, literally, like a belly dancer, or some sort of seductive stripper. He looked like the singer of Mars Volta. Big afro, skinny figure. Tight black clothes. Dark complexion. The entire balcony just looked around and held back laughter for this guy. Occasionally playing guitar, while his goofy friend made noises, Ali just rambled on with political poetry, that brought to mind a really bad episode of Def Poetry. Luckily for us, he did not play very long, and he acted quite normal in between songs, giving us hope that he might know he is a goof ball, and we didn't have to find him and let him know ourselves.

Once Ali finished up, it did not take too long until the lights went down and Peter Murphy took the stage. It was dark, and he walked out with a sinister stillness, one he is well known for. Dressed in a nice suit, and with a single light shining down onto his face, he started singing, with the band building up to the first song, the Bauhaus classic "Burning From The Inside"

We decided to move down to the main floor, and try and get closer, considering that most of the people in attendance are over age, and were in the balcony, while the floor attendance was full but not packed. Peter's band was tight (well everyone but the drummer). I was impressed with the guitarist for this tour, Mark Thwaite. He beefed up the guitar sound, without changing the elements that were used on the records. Peter focused primarily on the records Deep, Cascade, with a few Bauhaus songs to boot. We got quite close to the front of the stage, and were about 10 feet from Peter. We were on the far right of the stage, and the way the lights were, and the way everyone was positioned, we were apparently quite visible from the stage. I know this because Peter, on several occasion made it known to us, by waving to us from stage, making eye contact with us as we sang along to the songs, etc. It was weird. As I sang out loud the lyrics to several of his songs, he noticed us and would lean out to us and stare, while singing, making us sing harder and louder of course. At one point in the show Rick was singing along, and anybody who knows Rick, knows his mouth resonates over any sound system. Peter saw and perhaps heard him, and pointed right at him and nodded. It was a highlight. Another highlight was when Peter "opened up the floor, for questions", and everyone was yelling questions out to him. Some of the questions that he picked up and asked were "Why did you move to Turkey, and Do you miss Europe"?

He took his time talking back to several of the members of the audience, and when he could not hear the responses, he would say to them "What was that"? So there were a few one on one conversations taking place. I was impressed that he was so personable and took time to acknowledge his audience. It really is a beautiful thing, when you think about the cost of the concert experience. Gas, tolls, parking (outragious btw) surcharges on tickets, and of course, the ticket prices. All of this going up in price, going to see a $20 show, cannot cost any less than $50. I don't know if Peter was thinking about these things (we certainly were) but for whatever reason, it was impressive that he took the time to respect his audience and see them as people who came out to support him and hear his wonderful songs. This point convicts me, being a musician myself, and knowing how important it is to always listen to, and appreciate those who make it possible for me to have a life in music, whatever that means. Peter and the band picked some great songs to play, and most of my faves were delivered, with energy, and fun. Peter even tripped at one point and just laughed to himself, and just didn't miss a beat. At one point,a fan handed him a hat, and he wore it for several songs. Strangely it matched his suit. He eventually returned the hat to the fan. The musical aspect of the show was fantastic, but the added bonus of having contact with Peter Murphy and the fact that he showed his appreciation for the audience, made all the pathetic concert going fees well worth it.

Being only 30 years old, I have never "grown up" on Murphy's music, in this case Bauhaus. It was all out there...his solo albums, Bauhaus albums, Dali's Car, etc. I love everything PM does, but my favorite albums from him is Deep, Dali's Car, Cascade, and Mask. I am not sold, soley on his work in Bauhaus. I love the pop singles too, and sometimes more so, than Bauhaus. I like a little of everything, and that is, for the most part, what this show was. Almost, my own personal concert, with most of my requests :) :) :)

and, thank YOU Peter....you were excellent.

Set List:

Intro

Burning From The Inside

Disappearing

Line Between The Devil's Teeth

Gliding Like A Whale

Marlene Dietrich's Favourite Poem

I'll Fall With Your Knife

Sweetest Drop

Black Stone Heart

Crystal Wrists

Huuvola

Deep Ocean, Vast Sea

Idle Flow

Encore 1:

The Three Shadows, Part 1

A Strange Kind Of Love/Bela Legosi's Dead (Medley)

Cuts You Up

Encore 2:

Adrenaline

She's In Parties/Be My Wife (Bowie cover) (Medley)

Encore 3:

Transmission (Joy Division cover)

Set Highlights:

Burning From The Inside

The Line Between The Devil's Teeth

Marlene Dietrich's Favourite Poem

Crystal Wrists

Deep Ocean, Vast Sea

The entire Encore 1 (Cuts You Up is my all time fave)

Worthy mentions:

*Peter Murphy's onstage antics and

singing along with him face to face.

*No more smoking indoors.

* drinking Guinness on tap.

BLEED INTO ONE - THE STORY OF CHRISTIAN ROCK! and a rant about Tantrum Of The Muse's overlooked work!

2008-06-30T15:15:00.000-04:00

Guys and gals, it brings me great pleasure to introduce this to you, if you have not already heard.

BLEED INTO ONE - THE STORY OF CHRISTIAN ROCK

This is so overwhelming to me. For so many reasons.

1. My whole life, I listened to almost all of the bands featured in this film. I know what it was like growing up on 70s and 80s christian music, as well as 90s and current. I watched the bible belt squeeze the life out of so many of these bands. I have come from an era when christian music was judged far greater than it could possibly be today. I was a metal head in the 80s. It started with Stryper, and it went into bands like Vengeance Rising, and Deliverance. My metal moved into hardcore, in the early 90s. The Crucified, and Scaterd Few were some of my favorite punk bands, and to this day, they still remain timeless and powerfully effective. To see somebody put a movie out on the subject of a massive culture of christian music, that somehow is completely (much like the very belief of christianity) misunderstood. America views christian music as "untalented, and foolish" when in fact, some christian artists have inspired some of the biggest groups today. Hell, God is the author of art, and music. Its like Larry Norman sang, and like Tantrum Of The Muse re-sang...WHY SHOULD THE DEVIL HAVE ALL THE GOOD MUSIC?????????

2. Speaking of Tantrum Of The Muse. I am hopeful that this film will mention the work Takehold Records did for the christian music industry. Takehold records, TOTM's record label, came the closest to being a christian business, that actually bridged a gap between christian music industry, and secular music industry. Signing us (TOTM) to the label was probably THR's most risk taking business decision. We were saying lyrically, and doing musically way more risky things. Then you have THR bands like Underoath, who has gone on to outsell to the major label status. This band was on THR along with some great bands like Narcissus, Fewleftstanding, Twothirtyeight, etc. Chad Johnson, the owner of THR, went as far as putting together a very successful 2/3 day music festival called "Furnace Fest" where Christian believing bands like mine, shared the stage with bands like Hatebreed, Isis, Andrew W.K., Hum, and The Dillinger Escape Plan. I mean, this was huge at the time!!!!!!

In a perfect world, Tantrum Of The Muse would have a voice on this documentary, especially when the reactions to us from CHRISTIAN alternative music fans ALONE, made waves big enough that TOTM could barely stay afloat. TOTM and THR saw the last moment in Christian music, when the industry had not changed, people were still buying CDs, passing in demos, and you could make a real statement, not just with your lyrics but with your music.

TOTM was doing something revolutionary for christian music. It has been said about the band, and I am saying it about the band.

But, because we sold only a few thousand CDS, where Underoath continues to sell many thousands, Underoath gets a voice in "The history of Christian rock"

Its just the way it is.

TOTM or not, make sure you see this film when it comes out!!!!

Oh, and check out some of these links on Tantrum Of The Muse:

TANTRUM OF THE MUSE - MYSPACE MEMORIAL (1998-2004)

TANTRUM OF THE MUSE - A BRIEF HISTORY

The 77's - Holy Ghost Building, review (And a list of other crucial 77s records)

2008-06-28T17:35:00.000-04:00

THE SEVENTY SEVENS - HOLY GHOST BUILDING

(2008 - Lo-Fidelity/Fools Of The World)

track list:

I'm Working on a Building

Keep Your Lamps Trimmed and Burning

Stranger Won't You Change Your Sinful Ways

I'll Remember You, Love, In My Prayers

You're Gonna Be Sorry

What Would You Give In Exchange For Your Soul

He's A Mighty Good Leader

When My Blue Moon Turns To Gold Again

Everybody Ought To Pray Sometime

I'm Gonna Run To The City of Refuge

A Lifetime Without You

The Seventy Sevens are easily one of THE BEST rock bands to come out of the last few decades, from any genre, period! 77s frontman, Michael Roe's guitar work is uncommon and overwhelming. Without a doubt he is a guitar prodigy, that I seriously rank up with the best! I can name a number of tracks to prove this view, hell, I have tons of material to pick from. This band has been kicking all of our asses since the late 70s!!!! Here it is, 2008, and we are treated to another studio outing, titled "Holy Ghost Building", the band's homage to the gospel/blues/bluegrass bands of old. Michael Roe said, when asked about the sound of this album, "When folks ask me what this record sounds like, I like to say 'Elvis, Scotty, Bill & D.J.' because we did it exactly the way those guys did the early Elvis recordings. It even sounds like them sonically here and there, but thankfully none of that was planned either, which of course makes me very happy. You can't plan those things without them often sounding planned, and I'm so glad we didn't. Even the one original tune we tacked on at the end of this project as a bonus treat for the fans was made up on the spot: music, lyrics, melody and all. Talk about risk! But that's how you end up with records like the ones I loved as a kid, and this one's got that sound and feeling."

For the record, every song on this cd rocks. From beginning to end, we get what we expect. High quality, tons of guitars. A lot of attitude. What some might not expect however is that even though experimentation is nothing new for this band, the guys still find ways to bring new ideas into their music. The 77s have done blues, and gospel in the past, but it was done in small doses. The band's pop sensibilities always dominated it though. Here, Roe tries new things with his voice. Some of the vocal work will surprise you. He manages to capture the vocal stylings of various singers, who have influenced the album. At first listen, I was actually shocked to hear how far the band was going to take this sound. Again, with the band's pop sensibility being a major force in the past, I did not expect this album to disconnect so much with past albums. On this record, we are treated to entirely new 77s. Another strength to this album is that the songs do not all sound alike. There are several different examples of rock history here to examine. It is not a run of the mill blues record. Roe's guitar jangling dominates the music, which is a high point for me personally. I am also happy that the band sounds less tired on this record, than they did on their last full length "A Golden Field Of Radioactive Crows". Granted, this record, musically, is slower, and less "modern rock" but the band has a lot of life, and it shows on this one. It is a natural progression, or maybe just a well needed reminder, that this band still rocks with the best of them!!!

Now, this record does not come without flaws, and I will elaborate. For one. Somehow I missed the memo and thought this was a record of completely brand new songs, written by the 77s. What we get here is 77s renditions of already existent gospel and blues songs. THAT fact alone took some wind out of my sails, when you consider the hype that was brought with this record, and when you consider how long it has been since the last album (6 years).

Not having a full length new album of songs penned by the band only, kinda bummed me out, but they did manage to end the album on an original, and i think its the best song on the album. I might be alone here, but I really think "A Lifetime Without You" sticks out and shines with classic 77s spirit. And it is no surprise, being the one original on the record, its a shame we didn't hear what more the band could do with a few more originals.

A lot of fans might not get this one, or like it because it is strictly a gospel/blues record, but I get a lot of joy from that. But, with this record not being filled with originals, and with this record being so different from the others, I really hope the band will spend less time than this one took, making a new album, that pays homage to some of the classic older sound, where gospel and blues was carefully blended with progressive rock, and pop hooks.

THANK YOU BOYS for another awesome album. DO NOT STOP!!! Keep kicking asses. Give us a classic sounding 77s record sometime in the next 3 years.

And, for God sake, can somebody please book a show in PA?!?!?!

And, while we are talking 77s, track down and find these records:

All Fall Down (1984)

The Seventy Sevens (1986)

Sticks And Stones (1990)

Pray Naked (1992)

Drowning With Land In Sight (1994)

Tom Tom Blues (1995)

EP (1999)

Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the crystal skull (A non spoiler review)

2008-05-23T00:23:00.000-04:00

As I promised...

So, I heard quite a bit of negative reviews by the fans, about Indiana Jones 4. Most of the complaints I heard was that it was too much story telling, too slow in it's pace, and that the story was terrible. Hmm. Then I heard all of the famous critics, saying how amazing the movie is, and how it sits comfortably with the first 3. The only thing I can do is think about what made the 3 classic films so damn good to me, and with the long space in between films, it was obvious that there might be the issue of the best movie makers in my lifetime, (Spielberg/Lucas) might not "have it" anymore. I promised myself that I would go into this movie, and just be honest about it. I just want to have fun!!!!

Because this is a new movie, and one that I am sure everyone and their mother will see...i will be brief!! It was good. It was not as good as the classic 3, but I think part of what made those movies so good was my imagination, which made the effect of the films much stronger growing up. Nostalgia plays a big part too, and it was weird connecting with the idea of a new Indie film. There were some things I believe should have been different. Mainly the plot. The plot kinda takes away from the spirit of the series. Outside of that fact, the execution of the movie, plot and all, is excellent. Harrison Ford did an outstanding job at his old age, to naturally fall back into the character. You really do forget that he is much older than he appears on film. The twists and turns, the action, the characters are all very well written. The humor that made the 3 classics work, is in tact. The sets are beautiful. The horrific moments are in tact as well. The ending, obviously felt weak, but that goes without saying, when the plot is not that good. You kind of don't know the full details though, and that helps the movie, knowing that the plot is not fully revealed. It doesn't distract. There were some great throw back moments to the classics as well. See if you can catch them all. I was satisfied with the movie. The odds were against them, and the cast and crew pulled off a fun and almost equally stunning movie as the original series. What the fans wanted, is definitely here. The fans will definitely have some complaints, but, that would never change. Undisputedly enjoyable, and worth your time and money.

Oh, and Indie still hates snakes!!!! ;)

Great lyrics I felt compelled to share with you

2008-05-21T20:02:00.000-04:00

The holding stare, that lurks around me everywhere completes the vacant eyes and ignorant side you choose to stare to hide behind in sinful despair. The black to see in humanity weaves all imagery in the likeness of guilt over you. The chambers of deadly are sowed from your heart and sucking the life blood spills to the floor. Evil is laughing over you. Laughing death over you. Repeat Our Father, Jesus Cristo, virgin Mary and saint Peter calling upon an exorcist. Casting out demonic unrest. Faith in religious ceremonials. Putting trust in spiritual overtures. Life of goodness. Pious appeal. Holy fervour fanatical zeal. Works of mercy door to door. Counting beads repeat some more. The wisdom of man, peace within. Self salvational means found in our tasks. I'm a God, your a God. Evil is negative energy. Your a positive entity. Heaven and Hell are a state of mind. God is a human insecurity. An inner force. The essence of time. A political lie to keep us in mind. Then who is Jesus? Who is Jesus to you?

The holding stare that lurks around me everywhere like a hall of tortures between the ears that contaminates the heart and all you hear. Here the truth to see the ears hold the ring of keys to release you free from the bondage of Hell over you. Till the chambers of deadly are gouged from your heart and the blood of the lamb is free to spill out the laughter of evil continues to smile laughing death over you. So listen to the holding stare.

Who is Jesus to you???

- Allan Aguire (singing in the band "Scaterd Few" on the album, "Jawboneofanass" on the song "Holding stare")

Scaterd Few - Jawboneofanass

(1994 - Sopa Records)

and might I also add, that this album, is one of the greatest punk/hardcore/art rock albums of all time!! It is almost as good as their debut "Sin Disease"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow I shall lighten up, only a little, to go see the new Indiana Jones film, which is getting mixed reviews. Dammit, I want a great movie, and I fear I am going to be disappointed. But what else is new?? Ok, so I will review it tomorrow night...

stay tuned.

Destiny?

2008-05-18T13:43:00.000-04:00

I went to my brother's college graduation yesterday. There, I saw so many people who had a whole life ahead of them, with a goal. A career, a life, that they had control over. A plan that they were excited to start. Out of school, ready to take their permission slip out into the real world, to receive a real life. The speech of the day?

"Find what it is that makes you happy and thrive to make your mark"!!!!

but what if you are undisputedly created to do one thing. What if these college kids sat there yesterday remembering the days when they dreamed about being something specific. Being young and childish, playing in the bathroom in front of the mirror. Talking to themselves, pretending to be something they are not but eventually, in time will surely enough become.

Did anybody think about those days, where cleaning your room, helping with family chores, meeting the expectations of teachers, parents, family, friends, mattered very little to you, because you were fixated on a dream, a destiny, a vision that seems all to real to you, and your young and foolish and that is all that you care about, what else could matter more than that??

Do you think these college kids recall those days, later, in middle or high school. Trying to deal with the pressures of fitting in and being accepted, while learning the useless things that school teaches you. Remember when that childish dream now started to seem more real than ever?

You surround yourself with like minded people, who shared the same interest. Nobody can understand why you think the way you do. Its not an idea that is socially acceptable. You do not fit into the "popular crowd" and you do not get the hot girl. You get the unusual and mysterious girl, who happens to be hot to you, but not to the cool crowd. You get a chip on your shoulder, because you feel "more aware" than the cool crowd and only time will prove you right. Time, something that is surely on your side. You dive head first into your interests, ignoring everything else, and you get nowhere with what everybody wants you to do, but you start your adventure in that dream you have had, that seems so real. Everybody is concerned for you because you do not seem "the same" as everyone else. Lets not forget this is Christian school, so now we start wondering if...your "offbeat" sense of style and ambition is cause for concern to others. Are you gay? You aren't doing the normal things, son. Are you depressed? Of course your not, because your doing what has only been normal to do, all of these years you have been alive. You feel so strongly about it. It feels natural. It is how the engine was built to run, and no other function would work. Nobody understands it because your so young. One day, you are told, you will snap right out of it and be proper. You do not believe that though, this is you and it is for life. Out of panic, people start to think you need serious help. The idea of connecting with all of these stupid things in school, are so important to everybody in control, that you start to find yourself getting mental evaluation, and you start to get force fed medication. Now you are depressed, not because you needed medicine, but because your fight to be "you" has now become an endless war. Sure, they only love you, but you still feel more "aware" so you just keep doing what it is that defines,simply, you!!!

You graduate from high school and now you are expected to go to college. You have followed your dreaming heart now, all the way to the end. This dream, this passion you have had your whole life, has now created your character. Your friends know what you are, your enemies still think your nuts. You still have a select core group of friends, because this is art and art doesn't make sense in Christian school life. Now you are known as the troublemaker, because you clearly did only the bare minimum to get by in school, you only worked hard enough to give the teachers and parents what they paid for. A child, with a diploma. You have now been through several schools, psychiatrists, medicines, friends, and your emotionally a mess. You have been completely abandoned by people, because you just didn't fit into the requirements of the society laid in front of you. Because you are "special needs" you get a free pass to go to college. But, you don't need college for what it is you still love. Now you are a free man, and you can pursue this love, without any distraction. College is a distraction. You have a gift now, not a dream. This love you had as a child, has now become a gift. This gift is clear to everyone. Now people are starting to really appreciate it. Your starting to help other people with it. You think back to all of the years, and all of the mess, and how it seems so obvious now. Now, with the pain you experienced, you don't just have a name, but a face, for this gift. Ministry. This is something God has put inside you, from such an early age. Everyone who understood you has been saying that all along. Your parents have always been saying "Your called and your going to do something big with your life" You are read like a newspaper. It is so clear to everybody.

Now, they see whats going on, and they know its your life. Your destiny!!!!!!

You run full tilt, into the life you now waited your whole life for. You have developed, naturally, a knack for doing this thing a certain way, and naturally, the people who are capable of keeping up with you, see eye to eye and join you in this. You pour your whole life into it, and now the dream you have had is bigger than you are. You have now become secondary to a larger life. You are a leader, and people are scratching their heads at you. "How on earth did you come up with this"? How did you? From all of the years, and all of the lessons learned, and all of mirrors you practiced in. And all of the visions you had as a teenager. It is just natural. Its who you are and what you do. Now this dream of yours takes on a life of its own. You are now doing this dream life, just how you pictured it, and nothing stands in your way. So young. All of your work has paid off. All of your patience. All of the pain. It led up to this. Your set free and you are seeing how God is using it, finally, for his good. Destiny, indeed!!!!

A short few years goes by, and your still young and thriving. But now, you have outdone yourself so much, that when others no longer share that dream with you, they move on. You have done things in such a specific style, that only you were capable of. Nobody else seems able to do it. You cant do this by yourself. It would not make any sense. Its like a vehicle with one tire. You need the others. God will make this work, right? After all. What was a life of fight for?

Patiently, you wait. You realize that now it is going to take some effort. Effort you never had to use. You try so hard to get moving again. Life is going on. You get married. You are now sharing this life, for good or bad, with your best friend. You want even more, to succeed. You know your limitations. You know what you have to offer this world, but you know what you don't have to offer, and now you are scared and confused. What happened???????? How on earth did this happen to you?? Your life is piling up, and now the "fall back" job has become your life. You do it, because you have to. You need money. You are on your own. Now you are taking care of your wife. More than ever, like is spiraling out of control, and all of your efforts to get back to what it is, that makes you, YOU, is more and more impossible. Your dreams are a giant ship, and you fell into the ocean, and the ship is smaller and smaller. Your drowning.

But wait!!!! What about ALL OF THOSE YEARS?? life doesn't make any sense now. You are not person B, you are person A. You have nothing else to offer. You try. You try so many different outlets. You start to receive everyone's advice. Advice you thought was a distraction, seems to be a desperate attempt to cling to a lifeboat before going under. Nothing is working.

You turn 30. You have sacrificed a typical life all of your years. You are married, to someone who is so much like you. Together, you wonder where your lives are, and where they went. Everyone who made you feel so small growing up, they have all gone on to live typical, and safe existences. You wonder, "How do they stay sane"? But you remember, "Because that is what they are made for" But not you.

Crazy enough, your dream still grows alive in you, and your inspiration is still a bleeding heart. Inside your heart and head, there is a world of amazing beauty, and your dream has outgrown it all, and needs an outlet. Yet, you can't fix it. It is out of your control. Clearly, it seems God wants different things from you, and you try every door that opens. But to no avail, your life is still in chains. Everything you have said in defense to your destiny, is slapping you in the face.

But, how do you get people to understand???? Your not crazy, it was all so right!!!!

Now, everyone, like before, dictates that your dream should one day, and now is.....over.

Like a fish out of water, you flap around, trying to breathe. You literally panic. You lose your identity. You want so bad for your best friend, your partner, to know what you knew growing up all those years. They take your word, and support you, but its not as real to your partner as it is inside of you. You start loosing control over normal things, like your emotions. Self control. Anger. Now you are a disappointment to so many. Like it is the easiest thing in the world, they tell you "Its time to move on" but they never provide a path for you to follow. "That is your job" and you start to affect everyone around you negatively. You literally feel dead inside, and your health is starting to be affected negatively from it. This is not the life you were supposed to live!!!!!!!! You realize, that you want safety. You want what God wants. You surrender. You finally get to a place where you do not care what it is that God wants for you. You simply want peace in your life. Peace has now become the dream life you want to live.

Give me your still small voice!!!!!

Those college grads only know so much of my story.

Some of those kids will lead normal, safe lives. Staying on the surface, married,buying a small house with the white fence and target home decor, content in a no name town, that is safe and quiet. Outside of the 9 to 5 job they didn't go to school for, they will call their friends to inform them about all of the deals the market had on various grocery items, and when they have some time, they will invest it in doing things with the kids they now have while the other spouse it working even more and more to pay off that house.

. Some of those kids will go on to become important. Their dreams will serve them correct, and they will prove the whole world wrong. They will be in the right place at the right time, ripe and young, with nothing but success in front of them. Destiny will have its way.

Some of those kids are big time dreamers, and will always be. Sadly, that dream will stay dormant inside of them, like a colorful world everybody should see, but wont. Holding that in, without an outlet, will kill a part of them forever, or maybe worse, they will fall apart for good. That inspiration inside of them is vital in helping so many people, including themselves. It will go wasted.

So sad.

But right now, all of mom and dad's money has been spent, assuring the naive students that its a small price you pay, for the child's dreams to come true. Nothing is going to stand in their way!!!!!

"Time is on their side"